Peak Performers Manage Their Strengths and Weaknesses, Part One: Our Weaknesses

Many are painfully aware of weaknesses that hold them back. Yet, surprisingly, they are unaware of their many strengths. Focusing on our weaknesses while ignoring our strengths can be a source of discouragement and failure. And glorifying our strengths while ignoring our weaknesses can be equally unproductive. It is only when we give equal weight to our strong points and faults that we can realize our potential. Also note that we must choose our friends carefully because each relationship nurtures our strengths or feeds our weaknesses. That is, we will grow better or worse, depending on whom we spend time with.

Considering their importance and that we seldom see the big picture, I will share some ideas about strengths and weaknesses in two articles, our weaknesses in this article and our strengths in a following article.

OUR WEAKNESSES

A) The Big Picture

We all want to be powerful. By powerful, I don’t mean ruling over others, but ruling over ourselves. How can we reach our dreams unless we first master ourselves? This is why understanding and managing our weaknesses is so important. The first lesson, then, is to remember that weakness means the absence of power. The question we have to ask is not “Do I want to overcome this weakness?” but “Do I want to be powerful or powerless?”

Weakness is nothing to be ashamed of; it is part of human nature. We are not dealing with a moral issue, but a practical one. That is, we want to know what works. What will help us reach our goals? It is not weakness but strength that will take us where we want to go. So, we need to identify our weaknesses and overcome or manage them.

Yet, we also have to realize that we will never overcome ALL our weaknesses, nor should we want to. For weaknesses are important. They help each of us to become a unique individual. You see, it is not only the strengths of others that make them appealing, but their weaknesses as well. We relate to their flaws and root for them because we, too, are imperfect. And as we open up and expose our weaknesses to friends, we develop intimacy, strengthening our relationship. In fact, weaknesses contribute to our greatest relationship, our love life, as well. For as Francois Mauriac (1885~1970) wrote, “Human love is often but the encounter of two weaknesses.”

Although we are painfully aware of some of our weakness, we fail to acknowledge others. Yet, the first step in overcoming any weakness is to become aware of it. So, how do we detect character flaws that are hiding in the background? A good way to start is by monitoring our negative emotions. Are we angry, vengeful, resentful, jealous, envious...? They all point to weaknesses that we can work on.

What Should We Do after Finding Our Faults?

1. Change those you can. The important thing is not in overcoming them, but the strength we gain in doing so.

2. Accept those you cannot change.

3. Come back to the ones you can’t change, for what you can’t do today, you may be able to do tomorrow.

4. Embrace those you cannot change because it is what makes you unique. If everyone were perfect, everyone would be the same, and we would live in a dull world.

5. Use your weaknesses to develop compassion. Since others have to tolerate your faults, it is only fair that you tolerate theirs. Also use your flaws to learn new coping skills and strategies. In other words, use your weaknesses to find new strength.

B) Example Weaknesses

1. Envy. If you envy (or admire) someone, that is useful information. It points to the person you would like to become. So make that your goal. You can even ask the person you admire how you can become more like them. They may not only be happy to help, but may develop into an important friend.

2. Anger and resentment. Here is useful advice from “August Wilson (1945~2005), “Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”

3. Ingratitude. Failure to be grateful for what we have prevents us from being happy, weakens relationships, and blocks more good from entering our lives. Live with a grateful heart and you will live a long, happy life.

4. Arrogant. People who think they know it all weaken themselves because they stop learning. They are also easily hurt by the criticism of others. The paradox is they become weak because of their fear of appearing weak.

5. Gullibility. To accept as true whatever one reads or hears without questioning the facts may leave one misinformed, ignorant, or open to manipulation by others.

6. Insecurity. To be uncomfortable with insecurity is to be uncomfortable with life, for insecurity is the nature of life. If you need to satisfy your hunger for security, rest with the assurance that although you cannot count on others or the world, you can always count on yourself. So, use your feelings of insecurity as a catalyst to develop self-reliance.

7. Failure. Failure is not possible unless one stops trying. Its cures are perseverance, patience, commitment, flexibility, creativity, and solution-oriented thinking. As Kin Hubbard (1868~1930) wrote,
“There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.”

8. Boredom. Boredom is a lack of interest in doing anything. It’s equivalent to feeling life isn’t interesting. Whenever you are troubled with boredom, rather than asking yourself why you don’t feel like doing anything, ask what you should be doing. Why? Because what you should be doing is what you really want to do. The reason why you’re not doing it is not because it isn’t interesting, but because your subconscious has created a wall of resistance that is blocking you. To learn more about this problem and how to easily overcome it, see the “GAINING CONTROL OVER OUR LIVES” section of this article: http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/acceptance-questions.htm

Part Two, Our strengths, continues in another article.