People Pleasing Can Be An Addiction

People pleasing often attaches itself to substance abuse or some other form of addiction. Paradoxically, with the right counseling, it can serve as one of our most empowering wakeup calls. Recently, I received a phonecall from a man who is attempting to rebuild his business--and his life. I've known this person for several years and followed him on a path that has taken him to the summit in his business successes and subsequently plunged him into the depths of despair. Riddled by alcoholism and other co-dependencies, he felt helpless and alone, with nowhere to turn. Fortunately, however, he was surrounded by loving friends and an "angel" who sponsored a 90-day stay for him at a highly recommended recovery retreat. nnThe 'not good enough' syndrome Soon, through gentle and experienced mentoring, he began to realize he'd always felt he "wasn't good enough." He also realized he'd always been a "people pleaser." Many of his successes had little to do with who he was and what he really wanted to accomplish during his lifetime. It was all about everyone else--what they wanted him to be and how they wanted him to serve their wants and needs. With the help of his recovery counselors and therapists, he came to realize these self-serving image makers couldn't possibly be associating with that person they perceived him to be, because he hadn't even met that person himself! During our conversation we discussed the embarrassing demonstration of alocholism and drug using among celebrities, political figures and statesmen and women... how ugly and disfiguring it can be not only for the addicted individuals but, if they are public figures, for everyone they represent. "When the camera catches these scenes and displays them to the global population over the internet, it's over. A person can no longer hide from themselves," he declared. He should know. That is exactly what happened to him a few years ago. By accident (and as you probably know, there are no accidents in this universe!) he viewed a video playback of himself, drunk and staggering into a packed auditorium where he was supposed to make a public speech on behalf of his company. The program facilitators had to help him onto the podium and one can only imagine what the speech was like. nn'The camera captured it all' "The camera captured it all," he said, "and to this day, I thank God for that video.That was the turn-around moment for me. I got It. And that "It" no longer had anything to do with others; now it was all about ME and the value I placed on myself. Would I now have enough guts to restructure my life? You bet!" "Everything now looks different," he said in closing. "I'm so grateful just to be alive. That's the piece that's really changed. I forgave myself and asked others to also forgive me. "But I don't look back. I'm here right now, doing my best. I will always be grateful to the loving, caring counselors and therapists at the recovery retreat who were there for me during those first fragile steps of my journey."nnNote from Carol Adler - Recently, I learned about a wonderful new recovery retreat located in Panama, The Last Resort Panama. Its director, Dan Callahan, is also a SelfGrowth.com expert and I am grateful to Dan for introducing me to this wonderful network of people who share my own goal to "be the very best I can be" and to bring joy, information and inspiration to others. Dan's Panama recovery retreat is special because Dan is special... and as you know, it all begins with us.