Perfect Couple, Imperfect Marriage

Couples come in different shapes and sizes. There are power couples, the sporty ones, and the save-Mother-Earth ones. We also see a lot of young couples, often with a toddler in tow, and of course there are those who quietly sit in a park bench, holding hands—the old couple that never fails to touch our hearts. The latter would usually make us wonder what their secret is, for staying together that long. How can they look like a perfect couple, when all the others look flawed, and get in and out of marriages? Getting married can always make two people starry-eyed; there will always be plans for the future, for having kids, and buying a nice house.

Nobody plans for a separation or divorce, because just like everybody, we want only the best out of each other, and out of the relationship. It all changes pretty soon after the wedding, of course. Annoying habits start to show, and unfulfilled desires cause friction between two people who vowed to stick together till the end of time. Which leads one to ponder: was it a wrong idea to get married? How come other couples have it better than we do? Why can’t we be a perfect couple? A lot of people may feel second-rate, just because their marriage doesn’t seem to work out quite as well as their neighbour’s.

However, it is not right to measure up one’s marriage to any other, because there is no such thing as a perfect couple or almost-perfect marriage. In real life, there is no “happily ever after” and no fairy godmothers to save the day. It may be hard to resist, but one must come to terms that there’s only yourself, your partner, and the relationship. Contrary to what a lot of people perceive, perfection doesn’t just happen magically, or grows overnight. It actually takes work—a lot of work—to stay in a marriage. Anything worth keeping in life always needs maintenance, and its one thing that a relationship must have, to keep it in tip-top shape.

There are in fact, no secret ingredients to cook up a lasting marriage, just common sense and good manners. Here are some of the not-so-secret “secrets” for a better marriage: Fight fair and square: tackle only the issues at hand, and avoid bringing up past conflicts. It can be hard to resist doing this sometimes, especially if one is in the heat of the anger, but ask yourself: is it even worth bringing it up? It would only add fuel to the fire, so try to keep the past where it belongs—in the past. The Golden rule is not just for kids to learn.

Relationships need this rule, too especially in matters of respect. Sometimes when two people have stayed together for a while, it is easy to take each other for granted, and forget that the other person has a need to be respected. One way to strengthen a marriage is to treat each other respectfully. Listen to each other and be polite because these simple gestures will make your spouse feel important. Friendship is one of the best foundations of a good marriage. Share some laughter and common interests. Learn to do silly things together—being a good friend to your spouse can be the best thing that will hold the relationship together.

Couples often have conflicts because of household chores. It is not unusual, especially if both are tired coming home from a tedious day at work, and have to juggle responsibilities with the kids and the chores. Sharing the workload will dramatically ease the burden and lighten your moods—after all, it’s never fun to work alone. Sometimes it’s not what you say but the manner of saying it. Endearing words are nothing if spoken in a harsh or shouting voice. Gentleness and kindness when speaking mean so much, and will surely convey love.