Positive Self-Talk

Self-talk is communication with oneself as both the sender and the receiver; positive self-talk is telling yourself you are a good dancer or a kind friend. As soon as we wake in the morning our mind begins telling us things to be done for the day, people who need to be spoken to or seen, places we need to be, and so on. Spouses, children, co-workers, friends, family and neighbors all contribute to our internal voice but it is up to us to decide if it is in a positive or negative way. It can be very easy for one to get caught up in the demands of our environment and fall into a pattern of negativity, anxiety and even depression.

Sometimes we feel pulled in a thousand different directions in a thousand different ways and get to a point of feeling completely inadequate. To make matters worse we often fall into the "grass is always greener" mentality and assume those who appear satisfied with their life are feeling fulfilled. We forget that even those most successful in work, family and sport can find themselves walking down the negative path too. Breaking the cycle of negativity may seem impossible to some, but that is only a symptom of the affliction. That is, the deeper one is ensconced in burn out, the more hopeless they will feel. A consultation with a life coach may be all that is needed to wake the individual out of their cycle. A life coach will present an objective perspective on the situation, offer strategies and perhaps guide one through the journey.

One common method for beginning a change is to try turning your internal language around. Instead of focusing on the negative events of the day, find the positive in them. For example, the gridlocked traffic on the way to work is frustrating and will make you late for an appointment. On the other hand, you are able to call ahead and reschedule the appointment. Now you can sit back and enjoy an audio book or listen to some music during this rare opportunity to just sit and relax for a little bit. Take deep breaths, let go of the situation and congratulate yourself on finding some quiet downtime while still making the journey to work! In this example the key is in turning the situation around and rewarding oneself with positive self-talk for being able to do so.

Let's take a look at a more personal example. It has been a long day of work, picking kids up from various locations, getting dinner on the table and supervising homework. The meal is not well-received by the family. In fact, for a moment it looks like a full scale mutiny is just around the corner. Eventually everyone settles down, realizes how lucky they are to even have a dinner put on the table before them and the evening continues. Inside yourself you are tired and feeling guilty about not putting more effort into the family meal. Perhaps you knew it wouldn't be popular, but decided to go with it anyway. Turn that negative self-talk into a positive dialogue! The meal may not have been exciting, but it was loaded with veggies and low in fat. Teaching your kids healthy eating habits is important and the dinner you served was an example of how much you care about their health. There was effort put into the preparation, and if they didn't like it then that is just too bad.

A more aggressive form of positive self-talk involves repeating positive statements to oneself in order to build self-esteem. Many individuals benefit from this method. Their mantra in life becomes filled with motivational statements like "I am unstoppable" or " Consistently positive" or "I am a lovable person". The idea behind it is to give the mind a push in a positive direction, despite the obstacles. The danger is in either a lack of conviction, or too much. Too little will just become an exercise in useless repetition. Too much conviction can produce unreasonable expectations, and eventually crushing failure. The happy medium is in seeking out what is real and seeing it in a positive manner. Of course you are unstoppable, if you don't let things get in the way. Everyone is lovable, if they love themselves unconditionally. Being consistently positive takes work and anything worth having is worth working for.

In a way, positive self-talk is a form of self-parenting. If we go around like pouting six year olds giving impression of the "everybody hates me, nobody likes me, I'm gonna eat some worms" song, then we are in serious need of a reality check. Remember, we are not our behavior. We are the product of our experience, character and strength. If you allow your consciousness to hold negative beliefs, they will be what your defensive mechanisms depend on in times of stress. Clean out the closet, set down some positive realities and always love yourself. After that, positive self-talk will feel perfectly natural.