Pre-Qualifying a Woman’s Digits

Hi Dr. Neder,

I LOVE your books! They really helped me and this letter is an example of what I’ve learned.

I was walking out of this building on campus and by chance I see this girl walking next to me. Every one around was wearing kind of uniform for orientation and I thought that would be a good ice-breaker, so I asked her: "Why are you not wearing a blue shirt like everyone else?" She explained she is already a student at the school. We talked about our majors she goes to school for acting and I for literature so we talked a bit about a Shakespearean Play "Midsummer Night’s Dream". I was surprised of how she was willing to keep talking and walking with me, but I had in mind that I will just take her number and disappear and that is what I did. I cut the conversation short and asked for her number so we could hang out sometime and she gave it to me.

I called a couple of times over a couple of weeks but she did not pick up so I did not try again. Instead, two months after we met, I looked her up on the school’s online network sent her a message. I explained that we had met on campus once and told her that I called her a couple of times and that she could recognize me from my pictures there. She responded with: "hmm..I can't see your pictures; I don't know who you are". Although it doesn’t make sense that she can't see my pictures because everyone can it is not set to private.

Anyway I wanted to write her with something funny like "these days girls and their bad memories" or anything else to remind her of me in a funny way. OR: do anything else you would suggest.

Thanks for reading my email - hope to hear from you soonnn=================
Hello!

First off...GREAT JOB with this girl!! You played almost everything exactly right. Again, GREAT JOB!!!

Now, the bad news: you made one mistake - you didn't "pre-qualify" her number. First, a little background:

This thing of not picking up the phone or returning your voice mails is a stupid little game that women are playing more and more these days. What they want is to see if they can get you to chase them. Of course, they'd never be interested in any guy that chased them so it's only about an ego-boost. They get to be rude little bitches and actually have you hanging on like a long-lost puppy. Finally, they get to tell their friends, "Oh, I have guys chasing me all over the place!" as though they're some kind of prize or something! Trust me, I'm seeing this all the time now, and it's new - something you didn't see much of even 5 years ago!

So, what's the pre-qualifying thing all about? Easy: when you get a girls number, do one of two things: either pick up your cell phone and call it immediately. First of all, this will prove to you if she gave you a real number or not! Many girls give you a number that is purposefully off by one digit. Then, you can look at her with disgust and bust her for it. When she (in shock) asks you what you're doing, just say, "Oh, I'm going to leave my number on your voice mail so that you have it."

The second method is to look at the girl and say, "Ok - before I take this number, two questions: first, is this a phone you actually answer?" (She’ll say "yes") "Second, do you know how to return messages? You see, I don't waste my time with game players, so you this way, we don't have to waste each other's time." Now, she'll claim up and down that *SHE'D* never do that! (Yeah, right!) The good news is that she actually WILL return your phone calls because she told you she would!

At this point, you have a problem. This woman has been a rude bitch by not answering your calls, but you're still chasing her. She gave you that line about the pictures simply because she knew she could get away with it and to keep you on the line, thus extracting the maximum ego-boost out of you. What you should have said is, "Wow - everyone else in the world can see my photos. If you don't know how to work something as simple as the school’s network, you'll never figure out how to work me!"

The point is that you have to make this exchange cost her something. Otherwise, you're just another horny guy that is chasing her - to nowhere. Don't try to make a joke about this. Instead, call her on her bad behavior instead! You can use the line I gave you above or something different, but you absolutely have to stop this mistreatment if you ever want a chance with her. Right now, you have NOTHING to lose!

Best regards...
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Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.nnCopyright (c) 2007, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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