Question Everything

“It’s almost impossible to find a job this time of year.”

“I probably shouldn’t be doing this on my vacation.”

“That’s never going to work for me.”

“There’s no other way out of this situation.”

These are all comments various people made to me over the past few days. I recognize these kinds of comments. We all make them, all the time. They are the “truths” we tell ourselves that shape our reality. They are the constructs that our mind comes up with for its own various reasons. It wants to rationalize why our life isn’t all that great. It wants to explain to us why we should just keep doing what we’re doing. It wants to convince us that we’re justified in our behavior.

The mind is just doing its job. It has to create a constuct or frame of reference within which we can operate. We can call this a belief system, we can call it thought patterns and habits, we can even call it “the way I was raised.” Our minds are constantly coming up with various constructs and structures that allow us to function within our world. Sometimes those constructs are very beneficial and empowering. Sometimes they are limiting and based in fear. Sometimes the construct that starts out as the former becomes the latter as our life changes. Nothing that the mind comes up with is “good” or “bad” in itself. It’s just a construct. It’s only a frame of reference. It allows us to create our reality. It’s nothing to get attached to. It’s not who we are. It’s a tool.

But of course, we do get attached. We want to be right. We want to have the answer, the Truth. We hold on firmly to the various constructs of our mind and refuse to let them go. We invariably create a reality that conforms to the construct we’re holding on to.

How do we begin to detach from these constructs? How can we begin to pick and choose a frame of reference that would serve the reality we actually wish to create, rather than creating a reality according to the frame of reference we are currently operating in?

Here’s a little exercise. Whenever you hear yourself - or others - making these pronouncements about life in general, such as “It’s tough to find clients in this business,” or “Education is everything,” or “The most important thing you can do for your kids is to have dinner with them every night,” respond with one very small question: “Really?” Okay, maybe not always out loud. But at least in your inner dialog. Begin to question everything. We’re not labeling thoughts or beliefs as right or wrong. All we are doing is making some room for other possibilities. We are creating a little bit of space between us and the constructs of our mind.

At first the notion of questioning everything might seem a little scary. Don’t we need something to hold on to? But we find that, when we begin to question what we hold as “true,” life doesn’t fall apart on us after all. We realize that questioning our own frame of reference in no way threatens us. We can detach, become less insistent that we have the “right” way of looking at things. It’s kind of a relief, actually. And as we detach, we also recognize that we have a choice. We can choose the frame of reference through which we view the world. We can choose the construct that creates our reality.

First, question everything.