Create a Legacy - The Parent Plan

Imagine the following three scenarios…nn Ron and Judy love their 26-year-old son Jim. Unfortunately, whenever Jimncalls his parents they cringe. Will he ask for more money asks Judy? Ronnreplies, “What do you mean if, the question is how much this time?”nnLinda visits her mother. Linda would like her mother’s help in cooking andinner and baking a dessert. Linda’s mother just does not understand hownLinda could have two left hands in the kitchen. Thinking to herself, “Inalways cooked and baked, how could she not have learned these skills?”nnMy daughter is very overweight and she never exercises says Tom. Tomncontinued, “She is now 22 years-old and even though she never exercised, nownthat she is getting older she must begin. I never had to exercise because Inalways worked and didn’t have time.” Tom does seem a bit overweight himself.nnAll three of these sets of parents have a similar problem. Their grownnchildren have not developed certain life skills. There is a way to minimizenthis with your children. Become proactive and develop “A PARENT PLAN.” Anparent plan is a family blue print. Before getting too far into the parentnplan here are a number of important questions to think about.nnWhere would you like to see your children when they turn 25 years old?nnEmployed or Unemployed?nLiving at home with you or out on his or her own?nMarried, single or divorced?nPaying his own debts or having you pay them?nBeing responsible for his mistakes or dependent upon others?nnAnother important question to ask is: what legacy would you like to instillnin your children?nnScary questions aren’t they? As mentioned a parent plan is a blue print fornyour family. You want to create the positive environment where yournchildren can learn your desired values by your desired actions. It is thatneasy, remember nobody plans to fail they just failed to plan.nnWe want to teach our children how to function in the ever changing realnworld and this means planning. This might include:nn· How to be independentnn· How to be a decision makernn· How to be a motivated workernn· How to handle financesnn· How to live a healthy life stylenn· How to handle time management issuesnn· How to be organizednn· How to live a balanced lifenn· How to be healthynn· How to develop a good self-conceptnn· How to be resilientnn· How to communicate effectivelynn· How to develop a mature character and integritynn· How to set and respect boundariesnnHere are a few suggestions in order to achieve some of the above list.nn· Model the behavior you would like your children to inheritnn· Providing choices develops ones decision making abilitynn· Have your children write the monthly checks. It is helpful for them tonknow how to write a check and to know how much the utilities costnn· Help budget their homework time, putting in rest breaks every so oftennn· Serve healthy mealsnn· Verbalize your thought process. Let your children hear how you solvena problem. Ask them for their insight. For example, time management: Worknbackwards when you have to be at a designated place. If you have to arrivensomewhere at 9:00 and it is a 30 minute ride, a stop at the drug store willntake 10 minutes, and 15 minutes for you to get ready. What time should younstart getting ready?nn· Explain why you use certain stores. Why do you patronize your bank,nthis dry cleaner, or that grocery store? For example, your answers mightnsay that you like the service you receive at this bank or the lack ofnservice you received elsewhere caused you to change banks.nn· Set your limits and boundaries.nn· Encourage your children to plan a meal or cook a dessert, each week.nnGoing back to our three sets of parents lets see if they could have donenanything different. Ron and Judy may have never talked about finances withnJim when he was younger. Jim may have never had control over his allowancenor his own money. In many homes finances are not discussed. Therefore, Jimnmay have never been exposed to his parent’s bills.nnEven though Linda’s mother could cook and bake we wondered if she ever tooknthe time to teach Linda how to cook, or was she critical of Linda every timenLinda helped out in the kitchen. Do not expect all traits to be picked upnby observations. We need to take the time to teach.nnTom had an excuse for not exercising, even though it was a poor one. Hennever modeled the desired behavior he desired for his daughter. Where did henthink she would learn to live a healthy life style including exercise?nnToo conclude a parent plan is very important when it comes to preparing yournchild for the real world. Now have some fun and answer the following: Placenyourself 20-25 years into the future. What could you have or should younhave passed along to your children before it is too late?nnWhat will you put in your parent plan? Take these and write some goals younwant to achieve.nnWhat do you want to pass along to your children?nnWhat would you like your children to say about your parenting when they aren25 years old?nnIf you have questions about your parent plan feel free to give us a call.