Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse – Why Taking Responsibility is Essential

It is a common mistake whilst trying to recover from narcissistic abuse to simply keep one’s focus on the narcissistic individual, what narcissistic behaviour is, and why an individual with narcissistic personality disorder does what he or she does. Initially this information grants relief, and allows a person to know that they are not alone, and that many people have suffered the effects of narcissistic abuse. However, it is vital to realise that relationships always grant an opportunity to heal our own unhealed parts which have attracted the partners who we are in relationships with. It is the working on these unhealed parts which creates the most empowered recoveries from narcissistic abuse. If we don’t put the focus back on yourself, then our focus stays on the narcissistic individual. This creates the continual activation of the pain he or she caused, and we remain a powerless victim and suffer for extended periods of time. All of this starts being relieved when we understand that we have no ability to control or change another person, and that we can only work on and change ourself. By accepting that the narcissistic abuse experience was a healing opportunity to change our own levels of self-love, self-worth and deservedness we can begin to heal. To believe that a narcissistic relationship was simply ‘bad luck’ and that it could happen to anyone is missing the essential lesson of personal growth and evolution. It means that we are a victim to life, believing that we have no power to change ourselves and therefore our relationship experiences. This means that we would always have an expectation of fear and susceptibility to being a victim of narcissistic abuse again, and this is what we are very likely to attract. Or we may decide that we have too much fear and paranoia to be able to create a healthy relationship is a healthy way. The hope is that someone who does not have narcissistic personality disorder will enter our life and love us and save us from the pain and fear. But life simply does not work like this – it is an experience of taking personal responsibility and knowing that through pain we do have the ability to self-reflect, take responsibility and grow. When individuals take full responsibility for healing and claiming their unhealed wounds that the narcissisticexperience showed up for them, then they have the ability to create a much more empowered and healthy reality - one where they feel ‘full’, trust themselves and know how to connect to their inner self and outer life in self-loving and self-deservingways. From this healthy vibration of self, there is a much greater ability tosay ‘no’ to a narcissistic personality and attractindividualsand love experiences whichalso reflect a healthy inner self.