Relationship Advice - Why Do I Date Losers and Psychos?

Every person has needs, wants, and desires. When one or more of those needs, wants and desires are not being fulfilled, people may begin to feel as if there is a hole that needs to be filled. They can project their source of happiness to the filling of that hole inside of them. So much so, that as soon as a hole filler comes along, they can overlook the obvious.

In reality, those holes are really deficiencies in the individual’s personality, character, or spirit. As such, they can only truly be filled by reducing or eliminating the deficiency. But that can be a lot of work, and honestly, quite painful as it would require self analysis. Taking a look at one’s own issues, is not a pleasant thing. It is always easier to find someone else to fill the hole for you. Unfortunately, since the hole exists inside of you, you cannot permanently fill the hole with an artificial (outside) source. The body, mind, or spirit will simply begin to reject just like the body rejects an artificial organ that was transplanted. Yet, initially, the temporary filling for that person’s hole makes them feel whole again, however brief that moment is, that feeling of being complete is overwhelming. Thus begins the path to recreate that feeling of being whole again.

The subconscious mind begins to crunch the numbers that led up to that point, and set you on the path it believes will lead to that feeling again. How did it attract the hole filler? What skills did that hole filler have? All of this is being handled within that person’s subconscious so it can do its job, and make the person happy. That is what it is supposed to do. (think of when you lost your keys or wallet or something, and after hours of searching for it you give up, and sit down for a moment, and then it comes to you…Oh yea, it’s in the top drawer) That is your subconscious. Its role in life is to solve your internal problems and lead your conscious mind on the path to achieve the resolution. Unfortunately, that wonderful subconscious has no reasoning ability. That is part of the conscious mind. It can only solve problems in the background, and it relies on the conscious mind to guide it and provide the ground rules. Without good reasoning, boundaries, and proper guidelines; the subconscious mind can run rampant and do whatever it takes to achieve its objective as fast as possible.

As an example, the need to be truly loved and appreciated by the opposite sex. The subconscious evaluates the moments that person felt those feelings. What happened, what led up to that, who was it, what were they like? All those things it begins to calculate until it comes up with an answer. Ah yes, that person was getting laid frequently, snuggled often, and told the magic words… hmm, it thinks, what were the characteristics of that person? Again crunching the numbers, and *poof*. Aha… that person had insecurities, had holes that needed to be filled, and needed rescuing. But the conscious mind says whoa there buddy, she was psycho; don’t do that to us again. But that subconscious mind has only one task, fill the holes, and make the person happy. And since the conscious mind has not set the ground rules, it is off to find some differences in someone, yet make sure those key characteristics exist.

Thus one crazy psycho to the next that person travels. Finding different people with the same characteristics that makes the person feel whole at first till the body/mind finally reject them. And on and on again it goes. Always attracting that type of person, and that type of person always attracting the other back. They always seem to find each other. Our subconscious is powerful, and will always do its job. We don’t even have to try. It just happens. Thus why I say, we attract our own sickness.

Now eventually, we hope, the conscious mind will say hey… These holes are mine. I need to love myself. I think there is a deficiency or flaw somewhere within me. What is it about me that is not whole? Now the subconscious mind says: Hey, let me see what it is and I’ll get back to you on that, why didn’t you ask me sooner? As solving problems is its job. It doesn’t care what the problem is, finding keys or even saving the universe, it just solves problems it is told about. And finally that person begins the path to true happiness and completeness. As the only thing that can fill the holes inside of a person is that person.

It is during this new journey, that person slowly begins to stop attracting the needy, sickly, and toxic partners. As the needy, sickly, and toxic are not in need of someone whole and complete. They need and attract others with holes that compliment them. This continues as long as the journey continues, until finally, one day that whole special person is found. And now a true meaningful and mutually rewarding relationship can begin. And guess what, now that person has the lovemaking, snuggling and the magic words they appreciated, but without the drama, pain, and suffering that always came with it.