Relationship Magic 101

Do you want to believe in magical relationships--the click your heels three times--answer to having healthy, happy and intimate relationships? But does your own life make this desire look impossible? Do you sometimes think, if only I had a partner who was willing to do their fair share. Well look no further. Here's you will find a kind of pixie dust--sprinkle liberally and begin experiencing that magical relationship you've always wanted. Do you pay attention to doing your fair-share in a relationship but when it comes to your partner, you think their share is less than equal? Has this kind of dissatisfaction taken the magic out of your relationship? There's an old idea that says for a relationship to be successful, each participant needs to contribute an equal share. We say that the surest way to make the magic of your magical relationships disappear is to believe the myth that having "everything be 50/50" is how you get happy, satisfying relationships. How many people do you know who believe this myth? You see people trying to get it in all kinds of relationships: between friends, family members, and co-workers, but it seems most pronounced in intimate partnerships. Believing that everything needs to be equal is one of the primary reason people find themselves frustrated and dissatisfied in their relationships. No magic here! Magic 101 – Who's In Charge of Making Your Relationships Happy? The 50/50 myth breeds expectation and then when the other person doesn't do their "equal share" we become disappointed--and ultimately resentful. Keeping score will definitely take the satisfaction and happiness out of any relationship! Bye, bye magic! So here comes the pixie dust… We suggest that you stop spending your time making sure the other person is contributing their 50% and instead, start being 100% responsible for YOUR OWN happiness and satisfaction in the relationship. Kind of radical isn't it? Yet whenever we hand over any of the responsibility for our satisfaction, how we feel, or our happiness to another person (or anything outside ourselves) we limit both our personal power and the possibility of our happiness. We might want to be happy, but we've put our happiness in the hands of others. Relationship Pixie Dust - Being 100% Responsible Our definition of being 100% responsible is that you never give up, and never give in on anything that is important to you. And just like pixie dust, being 100% responsible works like magic. Whenever you something seems missing from your relationship, ask yourself: "What can I do to make sure I get it?" Whenever something's happening in your relationship you don't like, ask the question: "What can I do to change what's happening so I'll like it more?" Your Pixie Dust is your personal power to create satisfaction in your relationships because you are taking 100% responsibility for it. Don't ever leave your power to be happy in anyone else's hands. Keeping Score? Creating Magical Relationships starts by simply noticing how much time you spend keeping score on the "50/50 Fair Share" report card. If you're spending ANY time doing this--STOP! Then bring out your personal stash of Pixie Dust. Sprinkle a bit around and take responsibility for determining what you are not enjoying or what is happening that you don't like. Take a pinch more pixie dust and figure out at least one thing you can do to get what you want that doesn't require action from the other person. Then maintain focused attention on discovering the NEXT action you can take, then the next, and the next, until you're experiencing whatever was missing. Now, just to be clear, we're not saying there isn't room for making requests of the other person involved, or for negotiating with them about getting what you want. But we'll leave the process of creating genuine cooperation for other articles. For now, try using the pixie dust of being 100% responsible. We're confident that before long all of your relationships--romantic, family, business, and social--will be more satisfying and start bringing you the happiness you want!