Relationships: Can Our Internal Representations Of People Define How They Respond To Us?

It can seem accurate to come to the conclusion that how one sees another will not have an impact on how the other person responds to them. So how one thinks, feels and the ideas that they have in their head, in relation to the other person, are then meaningless.

This outlook would see the inner world as being separate and not having any influence on the outer world. And based on this, one could think, feel or develop any kind of inner outlook and it would be irrelevant.

Here, one would simply be the observers of how other people respond to them. And this will include the people they are closest to: friends, family and lovers/partners. It will also go onto include: colleagues, managers and casual acquaintances.

The way one sees the opposite or the same gender will also be unimportant based on this position. So whether their internal representation is positive or negative won’t matter either way. If their experiences of women and men are generally positive or negative, it could then be down to bad luck or one being unlikable.

This Outlook

While someone can believe this is true and that they have no affect on how others respond to them, it is unlikely to cause one to feel a sense of personal power. Especially if one is used to people responding to them in a way that is unpleasant for instance.

The need to monitor what is going on internally is then not important, because it is not leading to anything. One might be open to them having an effect on how their close friends respond to them and yet when it comes to people they are not as close to, it could be dismissed.

Behaviour

However, how we see someone generally defines how we behave towards them. This can be behaviours that are clear and highly visible. And it can be behaviours that are not as clear or noticeable. So one can treat their close friends with respect and appreciation and these friends will usually respond in a way that mirrors this behaviour.

Close Friends

In order for one to act this way to towards them, their internal representation of them is going to primarily consist of positive associations. And for as long as one sees them in this way, they will continue to treat them in the same way.

If a friend were to invalidate who they are or to criticise them for instance, as a one of or on a continual basis, their internal model might change. Of course, the other person’s behaviour is playing a part here. And through ones internal model changing, it could end up crating distance in the relationship; regardless of what the other person intentions were.

Unawareness

The example above is fairly obvious and easy to relate to. While one can be aware of how they see another and therefore how they feel towards them, this is not always something one is aware of.

It is also possible for one to be disconnected from how they see someone. Or if they are not unaware of it, then perhaps they believe that is doesn’t make a difference.

Their understanding could be that another person doesn’t know what is going on within them. But how one feels towards another is not always consciously communicated and neither is it always picked up by others at a conscious level.

Subtle Signals

The conscious mind can deny something and yet it can still come out in ways that can’t always be consciously controlled. Some of these ways are through: facial expressions, vocal tone, body language and eye contact.

How someone feels towards another also gives off a resonance or energy; although consciously this might not be sensed, it is still giving off information. And this information will be responded to whether or not the other is consciously aware of it or not.

Strangers

When one meets someone they don’t know, it could be said that they don’t have an inner representation in this instance. However, while some people may be strangers, the mind will typically label them in a certain way. This labelling will then define how they communicate and therefore play a big part in how the other person responds.

Associations will be triggered when one sees the other person and these will have a significant impact. These associations can end up becoming projections and represent how this person is, regardless of if they are accurate or not.

Men And Women

When it comes to the experiences men and women have in regards to the opposite sex and in how they are responded to, it can appear random and out of their control.

But if they took a closer look at how they feel towards the opposite sex and the internal model they have; it may give them some clues as to why men or women continually respond to them in certain ways.

Being Right

To be right is essential to the ego mind, for to be wrong would mean death. What is familiar, is what is classed as safe to the ego mind and when one is wrong it is interpreted as being unfamiliar. So even though ones association of another person might be inaccurate and not lead to one dying if they are wrong, the mind will still operate in the same way

The minds focus is on survival and not on seeing others without projections and constructed ideas. Even though these ideas could be wrong about someone, if one sees someone in a certain way, they will often react to that idea.

And even if they don’t, one’s ego mind will filter out anything that goes against the outlook that they have. So whether another person does react to the idea or not, won’t matter, as one’s mind has become fixed. A change in perspective is then impossible, until one changes their mind.

Awareness

It is often said that if one sees the best in someone, they will generally respond. And as a big part of how someone does respond to us is based on what we are communicating, this becomes a lot easier to comprehend.

This is not to say that one is completely responsible for how others respond to them or that one needs to dismiss their experiences or true feelings towards someone. What it does bring to light, is how powerful our mid is in shaping the kind of interactions we have with people we are familiar with and the people we are not familiar with.