Relationships

With “Mother’s Day” just past, what a better a topic to think about than relationships? They have such a huge impact on every facet of life.

My relationship (like many men) with my mother was a troubled one. I was the victim of abuse, and did not feel safe or like I belonged as a child. My mother played favorites, played siblings against each other and laid on huge guilt on young kids. This is not a “poor me” but a statement of fact.

In life recovery, I engaged a lot of outside help to deal with it. We don’t choose our parents, and they don’t go to school (normally) to learn how to parent. I have learned that my parents did the best they could, and through the help of some “professionals”, today I carry no resentments and through the help I received and the program I work, I know I am a better parent and grand parent than the generation before me!

Those early “trust” relationships set a pattern for life. We must choose to break them.

The challenge of relationships

"It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else." -- Samuel Rogers

Despite our passion for romantic love, relationships are not the easiest way to find love and peace. They are, however, one of the most effective for finding our blocks.

Relationships naturally bring out into full view our desires, attachments and unconscious programs - our likes, dislikes, belief systems, judgments, compulsions, conformities, etc. Relationships challenge us because they take us deep into thoughts, feelings and experiences we have suppressed for a lifetime. That's why they provide the very best arena for personal growth!

"Human relationships are the perfect tool for sanding away our rough edges and getting at the core of divinity within us." -- Eknath Easwara

While early childhood did not prepare me for great relationships, hard work in adult life and group of people with whom I share deep relationships has. My Higher Power is a guiding force, and has helped me understand what the feeling of “intimacy” is; and it is not today what I had confused it with pre-recovery!

Yesterday I was able to pick up my “ailing” mother, bring her and her wheel chair over for dinner, be civil and understanding for an extended period of time a feel warm in the thought that we were able to bring joy into an unhappy old women’s (I call her MOM) life with no resentments felt.

Relationships today are an area I relish in my life, for as Dr. Bron states above, they are a real arena for personal growth, and it is lovely to no longer suppress feelings.
Relationships past and current are a challenged in the life recovery process. Want to kick this topic around? I can be reached through www.hopeserenity.ca.