Romancing Your Self

Do you feel like you’ve lost touch with who you are? Does your life revolve so much around other people and situations that you no longer feel centered? Are you resentful, angry, or depressed because you don’t have enough time, or you’re too burned out to enjoy the time you have? Are there times you can’t stand your own company, only to wonder why others don’t want to be around you either? There are limitless ways in which being out of sync with You might manifest itself. It’s important to realize, however, that this is not who you are – it’s simply what happens when your life starts spiraling outward without being properly grounded in your core being. Although this journey to happiness may seem self-absorbed, it is in fact a gift to everyone, so accept the invitation to rediscover who you are, romance your Self, and commit to You.

The initial step is to reconnect with what sparks your inner fire. First, think back to when you were a child to remember what you most loved, and incorporate some of those elements into your week. As a pre-teen, I spent hours dancing and singing in my room, so now I dance on my rebounder (mini-trampoline) 15 minutes daily as part of my morning routine. This adds to the voice and dance classes that set my inner child free. Another good way is to look at what you consider your greatest successes. List 50 of your accomplishments to help identify your core values and to come up with your own definition of success. For example, my list revealed that bringing love and beauty into people’s lives through my artwork gives me more satisfaction than my extensive resume. You can now use this list to determine your strongest skills, be they people, technical, creative, etc. Are you currently using these skills in contexts that fulfill you? Many find themselves overextended out of a sense of duty until they end up not being of service to anyone. To illustrate, I am a super-organized detailed-oriented person and have sometimes found my energy sapped when I couldn’t say “no” to causes that desperately needed such skills, but which I didn’t feel particularly drawn to (or was drawn to for the wrong reasons). Isn’t it time to shed the layers of “shoulds” to use your distinctive skills for purposes you’re passionate about?

Once you’ve reawakened to your uniqueness, why not cherish yourself in ways your body, mind and soul crave? Whether you’re single or in a relationship, take your Self out on a date without the distraction of a companion. This is about enjoying your own company and paying as much attention to You as you usually do to others. One kind of solo-date is the romantic date – what you’ve always wanted someone else to plan for you. Be creative: order flowers, write a love-letter to yourself, have a meal in your favorite restaurant (perhaps with a good book, but no work!), go snowshoeing in the moonlight, or soak in a candlelit bubble bath… or all of the above. Just make it your version of the perfect date. There’s also what the creativity guru Julia Cameron calls the Artist’s Date – a weekly scheduled block of time for a pre-planned solo exploration of your passions. These are fun short outings that inspire and provide direction in your life. They can take any form that relates to your interests, such as time in a bookstore or a nearby conservation area. Recently, I wandered through an art supply store until my heart jumped for a little 75-cent sea sponge. This led to an afte oon of sponge play in my studio and the painting “Re-Union”. Lastly, there’s the Here and Now Adventure date – it’s about following your intuition in every moment and at every corner. I once took my camera and a rented car on a 14-hour blissful journey, abiding every inner call to “turn right”, “go left” and “stop!”. Wonderful synchronistic meetings happened along the way and I captured some of my greatest photographs that day. A walk in a new neighborhood, following those inner “yes” moments, can be just as fun.

After a few dates, you may feel moved to make some long-term commitments. After all, you’re going to spend the rest of your life with You, so why not make it a life worth living? Did the previous explorations inspire you to start a new project, change your career direction, or fulfill a lifelong dream? What steps can you start with? I, for example, have had a lifelong passion for dogs, but the time has never been right to adopt one, so I took an intensive dog training and behavior therapist course to better understand them until I my dream of having a dog comes true.

In the end, there is nothing selfish about taking the time to get better acquainted with your true nature, love yourself in ways you deserve, and invest in your life. Happiness is born within; it’s your birthright reclaimed in ways that are unique to you. By examining how you spend your days, you can decide if the hats you’re wearing suit you or weigh you down. By pampering yourself and investing in your long-term vision, you can find that solid inner core to anchor yourself to, so as to fulfillingly spiral out into the world with your many gifts. You deserve it – and so do the others in your life. Enjoy the journey. December 2009