Self-Awareness: the Key to Understanding How You Sabotage Your Relationships and How to Change

Trying to develop an intimate relationship but failing time after time is a hint that something you do harms your attempts. Taking a careful look at what this “something” is will enable you to (finally) stop harming your relationships and develop the bond you desire.

SELF-AWARENESS IS THE KEY TO UNDERSTANDING HOW YOU SABOTAGE YOUR REALTIONSHIPS

Developing Self-Awareness is the best way to go about finding out how you sabotage your relationships. Being aware enables you to decide what needs change, and how to change.

DEVELOPING SELF-AWARENESS CONSISTS OF 3 IMPORTANT STEPS:

1. Observing yourself;
2. Asking yourself questions and seeking honest answers;
3. Acknowledging and accepting what you have noticed.

1. OBSERVING YOURSELF

Observing yourself means, paying attention to what is happening within you (your thoughts and attitudes) and in your interactions with your partner (your reactions and behaviors).
You can either observe yourself in a specific situation with your partner, or in retrospect – thinking about past interactions with past partners. The more you see patterns of reactions and behaviros which repeat themselves throughout all your interactions, the more you get a grip about your behavior.

2. ASKING QUESTIONS AND SEEKING ANSWERS

As you ask yourself questions you haven’t dared to ask before and give yourself honest answers, you can find out much about yourself which you might have not known and/or paid attention to until now:

* How do you BEHAVE in your relationships? Are you GENUINE? Do you allow yourself to be OPEN AND HONEST with your partners or are you closed and cautious, afraid of being hurt, ridiculed and abandoned?

* Do you behave in ways that feel right to you, or do you SACRIFICE yourself and behave out of fear of rejection and fear of being alone?

* Do you get into relationships out of NEEDINESS AND DEPENDENCY or with a sense of self-respect and empowerment?

* How do you cope with problems and conflicts? Are you AGGRESSIVE, feeling that you are always “right”? Are you too COMPROMISING?

As you honestly give yourself an account of what you notice you will be able to realize what drives you to think, feel, react and behave in ways that harm your relationships. For example:

* Are you driven by any NEEDS that control you (such as: the need to be loved and appreciated; the need to always be “right”; the need to prove yourself; and so on)?

* Are you driven by any FEARS that control you (such as the fear of being alone; the fear of rejection; the fear of commitment; the fear of being hurt; and so on)?

* Are you driven by a BELIEF-SYSTEM which exerts power over you (such as: “Never show your true self to your partner”; “Being soft is a weakness”; “Being assertive is harmful to the relationship”; and so on)?

* Do you hold on to any EXPECTATIONS about partners and relationships which might be unrealistic and cause you to be disappointed time and again (such as: “My partner will always know what I want and think”; “Our sex-life will always be great”; and so on).

* Are you driven by any FANTASIES about relationships which might be unrealistic and cause you to continuously feel frustrated and to blame your partner (such as: “My partner will supply all my needs”; “In the evenings we will always do things together”; and so on)?

3. ACKNOWLEDGING AND ACCEPTING WHAT YOU HAVE NOTICED

Being willing to acknowledge and accept what you have noticed (rather than denying and rejecting it) is a requirement for moving forward to making the necessary changes.

DEVELOPING SELF-AWARENESS IS THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP

When you take the time to go through these 3 steps and develop your Self-Awareness, you can identify what exerts power over your attitudes, thoughts, feelings, reactions and behaviors, make whichever changes are necessary and become empowered to cultivate a healthy and successful relationship.