Self-Care Beyond Trauma

When I arrived at the hospital I had no clue what kind of condition I would find my teenage daughter. All I knew was that she was involved in a serious automobile accident during her school lunch break. There was a small crowd of teenagers, high school personnel and parents who had already gathered in the corridor. I was quickly taken to a private waiting area where my husband, Richard, met me. We waited for what seemed an eternity. The doctor finally came in to talk to us. Still in a state of shock, I was hearing his words but nothing was registering in my head. Tanya had died in the helicopter and was in critical condition. She had sustained severe brain injuries and they did not know if she would survive. We were escorted into the trauma unit. Tanya's face was swollen and she had blood in her hair. She was connected to a lot of tubes, a heart monitor and respirator. Hanging between life and death she was barely recognizable. My attention was fully on Tanya. This was such a critical time and I felt she needed me more than ever. As it turned out the rehabilitation process would be very long and difficult. Over four months in the hospital and many years on the rehabilitation trail. Being fully focused on Tanya was a major mistake on my part. If I could do it over I would be more aware of my sons and husbands needs. I spent most every day at the hospital and rehabilitation center for the duration of her stay. Now, I wish I would have taken more time for my boys and husband and listened to their fears and needs. Even more importantly, I should have been taking care of myself. By the time I came home I was worn out with little energy to spare. Our family survived and eventually thrived but I can tell you if I would have just done these two things, my family would have survived this journey in much better shape. The saying "Hindsight is always 20/20" is so true. A mother's nurturing nature is one of our greatest qualities; but, it can also be our biggest downfall. When you are worn out and exhausted, the reality is that you cannot serve others well. Taking care of you first is not an act of selfishness, as I used to think. It is a necessity. It is really an act of love that will manifest itself by having greater energy, happiness and appreciation for life, yourself and your family. You are worth it and most importantly...you deserve it!