Self-help for Self-confidence

In my work as a therapist I have tried and tested many self-confidence exercises and in this article I will describe the ones that work most quickly and reliably.

I have never met anybody (including myself) who did not suffer from some form of low self-confidence at times. In moments of vulnerability everyone doubts their attractiveness, their competence and even their basic being. People may say to themselves, ‘there is something wrong with me but I don’t know what it is’ or ‘I am not sure that anybody could truly love me if they really knew how I am’. Many people are also affected by some (semi-)religious ideas that deep down they are ‘bad’ and always will be. Doubts about ourselves and feelings of low-esteem seems to be a universal condition and virtually everybody is suffering from it to some degree in one form or another.

What is the best self-confidence help? Many people think that they have to build up something in their mind in order to have good self-confidence. So they may try hard to think positively and may say many positive affirmations in the hope that this psychic energy will somehow construct the part of their mind that they feel is missing. But the good news is that we do not need to work hard to build up our self-confidence.

Buddhist teachers are telling us that we already are pure, healthy and complete inside – that we all possess a divine nature that is simply covered up by the negative ideas that we have about ourselves. So, all we have to do is to drop our inner negativity and we will naturally arrive at this core of goodness that was always within us and always will be.

How do we drop our inner negativity? Luckily, we do not need to work hard and say hundreds of positive affirmations each day. It is much easier than that. What I always recommend is a so-called ‘thought diet’. Just like we should not eat too much junkfood we should simply stop saying anything horrible to ourselves. No more, ‘I am so ugly!’, ‘I can’t do it!’ or ‘I am so stupid!’. All we have to ‘do’ is to notice when a negative thought ‘knocks on your inner door’ and then we simply do not open the door. We refuse to think those self-destructive thoughts. Instead we envelop ourselves with a loving feeling just like a mother would hug her beloved child. We stay with the feeling of self-love until the negative thought has gone away. This is the best self-help for confidence that I have come across.

‘But how can I love myself if I have all these negative qualities?’, someone may ask. ‘I am still too fat, ugly and stupid….(or whatever else people may accuse themselves of). The answer can be found in remembering how a loving mother would relate to her child. Would she stop loving her daughter if she has some problems in school or if she is not the prettiest girl in her class? Surely not. She would love her daughter all the more – particularly, if she would get teased by others because of her weaknesses. In the same way, we love ourselves with all our weaknesses and shortcomings. We do not need to be perfect to receive this love. There is nothing in us – no weakness, no ugliness, no badness that can not be embraced by our own unconditional love. We have to give ourselves this love every single time we have a tendency to be overly critical towards ourselves. Within a few days or maybe some weeks we will have freed ourselves from this negative habit and feel SO much better. And obviously, if we are happier, we will be more confident and others will notice this and respond towards us more positively. It is as simple as that!

Will this simple self-help for confidence work? All I can say is that I have worked in this way with every single client for many years – and every single client has achieved dramatically improved self-esteem within a matter of weeks.

I would like to add one mor thought to the topic of self-confidence. In our modern culture we are encouraged to feel good about ourselves and to be self-confident. Surely, this is a good thing but from a spiritual point of view there is something far worse than having low self-esteem – and that is having pride and arrogance. If we feel ‘too good’ about ourselves we will become conceited and that will be the end of all endeavours of trying to improve ourselves and grow on our spiritual path. What’s worse, people infected by too much conceit may even use their spiritual path to bolster their ego rather than diminishing it. So the good news for everyone suffering from low self-confidence is that from a spiritual point of view this is actually an advantage. Low self-esteem can easily transformed into humility and it is humility that we need more than anything else to unite with the source of highest wisdom and love of the universe – our higher consciousness. Uniting with our higher consciousness is the crown of all spiritual development and will free us from all feelings of unworthiness and shame. Instead, it will give us all happiness and love that we have ever wished for.

For more self-confidence exercises and information about self help for confidence please refer to my book The Five-Minute Miracle.