Self Perception

Our perception about ourselves is the single most important factor in the quality of life we live.
Generally our successes and failures in life are inextricably linked to this labeling of who we are.
In the very early stages of our lives as we sought to establish our identity as an individual, we relied on feedback from our environment to assist us in making this decision about self.
Messages for example which were scripted with unconditional love, support, encouragement and respect whereby the individual generally felt a sense of positive regard, assisted in establishing a healthy sense of acceptance and worthiness.
The absence of such a contribution from the significant people in our lives during the stages when our identity was being formed, meant for many of us uncertainty about our right to be here and our worth as a person. Words, deeds, interactions, responses and experiences which left the individual feeling some measure of being ‘less than’ eventually had a cumulative effect and resulted in a pervading sense of unworthiness.
Experienced in varying degrees, this lack of self-validation can result in poor life choices the consequences of which are most times defended, justified, rationalized and accepted as ‘life’.
These indicators might be easily identified at first, but sometimes in an attempt to feel better about oneself we camouflage this deficit with character traits such as arrogance or aloofness . Though on the surface they might appear to be far removed from the initial core feeling of unworthiness, in fact they are closely related.
This devalued sense of self drives every choice we make. Whether we are applying for a job or choosing someone as a friend the ‘on’ button for these subconscious tapes lights up and the course is charted according to this definition about self.
Belief about our worth becomes even more deeply rooted as we gather evidence and continuously attract situations and persons into our lives which affirm our sense of self- “we attract what we are.” As such the cycle is kept active.
Validation comes at a price. It means letting go of our preconceived notions of unworthiness.
Thoughts and beliefs can be difficult to change but when one realizes that living the truth of who you are is essential for being fully functional on this journey, we know that the renewal process of our self- validation is non- negotiable.
Permission to view our self as a valuable being can only come from the individual. However we have gradually given away that authority to others in exchange for their approval and acceptance as we look outside ourselves to repair the ’inner’.
Seeking a sense of worth through things, people or experiences is common behaviour that can never be sustained long enough to create a lasting and authentic satisfaction about who we are throughout our life time.
How do we redefine our self- worth?
By changing the decisions we have made about who we are.
As we change these decisions, the supporting beliefs would be gradually replaced by self-affirming ones.
Whilst this might appear to be a difficult assignment, beginning where you are is the first step.
Start paying attention to your thoughts about yourself. Ask yourself why am I having these thoughts?
Example: “I feel afraid to share my viewpoint at the public meeting tomorrow. “
“I am going to sound silly and make a fool of myself.”
What decisions have I made about me that created these thoughts?
“I am not very smart”
“My opinion really doesn’t matter”
As you begin this inquiry you would discover the early decisions you have made about self that have continually sabotaged your sense of worth.
This time you get to decide from a different vantage point.
You are on a journey to reclaim yourself as you establish your worthiness.

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