Self-Confidence is the Key to Performing in Difficult Times

Context and Premise: Self-confidence has long been thought of as an important determinant of performance, aliveness, and fulfillment. Self-confidence for the most part is viewed as a feeling. Inner strength comes to mind or a person's belief that he or she can succeed. This generates feelings of competence, which in turn reinforce confidence.

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self-Confidence is a matter of certainty. Rather than seeing confidence as a feeling, I have for many years presented it as certitude instead. Certitude is a state of complete assurance. It is very empowering and motivating. The feeling of confidence is reliant on the certainty below it, so certainty acts as the structure for the fulfillment of confidence. In other words, if you are certain you are very likely to feel confident. If someone were to ask you for your name, and after you’d tell him or her they didn’t believe you, you’d feel so “confident” about it that even the idea of asserting it would become ludicrous to you.

Certainty is a knowing, therefore, I am self-confident when I am certain. Feelings are more difficult to deal with as they are not certain. With feelings, you can only “hope” that you’ll feel confident. Self-confidence is self-generated based on the certainties we know to be true. Without certainty, life becomes much tougher. Without realizing it, we are “certainty seekers.” For instance, if you assert a feeling, it does not carry the same weight as asserting a fact, unless the feeling becomes certain to you. Certainty is much more connected to our sense of truth and, furthermore, what is right or wrong but from a factual perspective. Feelings are “about” something. When we seek to find certainty instead of a feeling of confidence, we become stronger.

It is certainty that empowers us to face the challenges and cope with difficult situations. The most obvious certainty is the certainty that we exist. Therefore, to believe in yourself and to believe you can succeed is a matter of being certain about the facts surrounding the success you seek. Good acting is also a matter of certainty. Feeling like Hamlet does not give you how to play Hamlet. The facts are what help you build a character. Lee Strasberg used to say, “You cannot make good choices until you know the facts of the character”.

Assertiveness is about being able to stand up for what you know to be certain. Awkwardness is a state of not being certain, like being at a party not knowing anyone, and the minute you see someone you know it begins to feel good; you just became certain of a fact. Certainty is the foundation of confidence.

If you are certain of what you need, you will not feel disappointed in yourself, even if you don’t seem to be very popular at the moment. You will be able to enjoy life more and remain optimistic about the future. You will be able to recognize that when bad things happen there is a way out.

Just because life isn’t so great right now, does not mean it always remain that way. Difficulties are regarded as challenges to be overcome as well as opportunities to stick to the facts. Facts are always sober, and they never lie. That’s why they are the secret weapon to generating self-confidence. Having certainty enables you to take on more accountability and, therefore, generate more freedom.

If you need coaching or know someone who could benefit from honing these skills, feel free to contact me on my cell at (818) 486-3395 or by going to my web site http://www.publicspeakingconnection.com

Wishing you continued success,

Eric Stone