“Should I Get a Divorce?”

On the surface this seems like an easy question to answer, do I want to be married or not. In reality it is a question that can haunt a person for years. Sometimes the easiest answers aren’t that easy. Divorce is never easy, and the longer you have been with your partner the harder it can be make the decision to leave. For as many marriages there are as many reasons to leave, reasons span the gamut of mental, emotional and physical abuse to just not feeling loved. Therefore, the answer to this question does not come easy or without a lot of soul searching.

The first step is to decide why you think you should leave and if you really want to leave. Sometimes we decide to leave because we don’t like the state of the marriage and see no chance of it changing. Hypothetically speaking, if your partner were willing to work with you to make changes would you prefer to stay? Relationships that are in trouble because of issues that are not being discussed will eventually become unbearable and the marriage will eventually dissolve. Not necessary will the two not be married but the relationship will be empty. In this way, it has dissolved.

A strong marriage is born when both parties want the marriage to work and are willing to make compromises. The, why, of why you want to leave is a loaded word and has much information. Take a few minutes and write down all of the reasons you want to leave and then decide how many of those reasons can be worked out between the two of you (provided you and your partner are willing). Never assume that your partner is not willing to work out differences. However, if he/she is reluctant to do so, make it clear of how important this is to you and to the health of the marriage. After all, he/she is part of the marriage too. In many cases, when the other finds how little they have to do to make the other person feel loved it is very simple.

It is common to hear people talk about those in abusive marriages and wonder why they stay when their health and life are at risk. Whether to stay or leave in this situation seems like an easy one and in some cases for the abused person the question of whether or not to leave is easy, it’s the how that is difficult. Sometimes it comes down to safety reasons, and it is also because they think the person will change, they don’t want to look like a failure or they want to keep the family together. These are common reasons for staying in a bad relationship for many, not only the abused.

No matter what reason you decide to stay (and if you are still there you have decided to stay) in a marriage, do a little searching on the real reasons you are staying. Is it really because of the children? Will you really be a social outcast? Probably not, if so you’ll have a lot of company. Does a failed marriage make you a failure? No, we all make mistakes; it’s just that some mistakes have more impact than others. As my mentor says, do yourself a favor and free yourself of the good option of others. When the question, “Should I get a divorce?” is always on your mind it is important to choose to make a final decision of whether you are going to stay or go. It’s no fun living with one foot out the door.

©Copyright 2010 Sheila Dicks