Simple Steps to Building Social Confidence

Feeling awkward in social situations can make you hold back from taking part, or say and do silly things. What should be a fun gathering, like a drink with friends or work colleagues can seem like hard work instead of the good time that you know you could be having. Get into the habit of talking to strangers – in shops and other public places, on public transport, anywhere the situation presents itself. Just have a go striking up some simple conversation with an easy opener, like a comment about the weather, the time of year, the length of the queue or a recent news item. Keep your remarks positive and if possible humorous. Everyone likes to laugh. You’ll find most people respond well to the chance to have a chat. Make it a habit to have these conversations – you’ll notice yourself getting better at them and it will build your confidence as you find you start to enjoy talking to people you don’t know (yet). If this seems like a big step – you can break it down into smaller steps. Start by talking to check out operators – more than just a thank you! Next you can move on to talking to people in queues, at bus stops, even in the street, though do use your judgment. I like to speak to people who look happy, smile at me or just catch my eye. Simply smiling at people as you pass often gets a response. The vast majority of people welcome the chance for a quick chat, and now and again you’ll find someone you chat to for longer. Join a club or class with a structured activity – this can be sports, martial arts, yoga, dance, arts – whatever appeals to you. The activity means that you will have something focus on while you meet new people in a relaxed way. Plus you’ll have something to talk about at the end of the class. When you do something you enjoy, it becomes easier to stay relaxed around others, and you’ll probably find you can enjoy getting to know your classmates. Before you go into social situations, think about the people you are going to meet. Look forward to meeting those individuals – take time to smile inside as you think about the nice time you are going to have. When you get into the habit of doing this by building the feeling, you might even find yourself smiling as you think it through. Think about the event you are going to – what’s going to be happening there? If you are going alone and perhaps are concerned about not having much to say, maybe there will be some activities, or perhaps you can find a role for yourself – like offering to help organizing something (like seating, dividing up the bill or sharing taxis home). A simple task can help you relax and provide opportunities to get talking to people. Bear in mind that most people have experienced some degree of social awkwardness, though many people become good at hiding it. Just about everyone knows what it’s like to not know the right thing to say or do, but the fact is, there is no right thing to say or do – just be yourself and allow yourself to relax and have fun.