Stay Married For Children's Sake: Should You Stay Married For The Kids

Stay Married For Children's Sake: Should You Stay Married For The Kids It isn't unusual to overhear conversations like this. One lady told another that she should NOT stay in her marriage for the sake of her children. She offered the usual: make yourself happy; why should you be punished to stay with that guy just because he fathered your children; over time the kids will be better off. She added more but these generally covered the subject. In those conversations, certain facts seem never to appear. Consider the indications of scientific research. Divorce can affect children for many years, well into adulthood.rnIn 2006 Family Process published a scholarly article by Ahrons. She wrote about binuclear families. These are extended families, separate households that result from divorced spouses marrying someone else, as well as the families formed by their children when they eventually marry. Of the negative consequences, she wrote, "...173 grown children were interviewed 20 years after their parents' divorce...The findings show that the parental subsystem continues to impact the binuclear family 20 years after marital disruption by exerting a strong influence on the quality of relationships within the family system...Of those who experienced the remarriage of both of their parents, two thirds reported that their father's remarriage was more stressful than their mother's. When children's relationships with their fathers deteriorated after divorce, their relationships with their paternal grandparents, stepmother, and step siblings were distant, negative, or nonexistent." Divorce causes children pain, stress, and confusionrnIn 2003 Kelley wrote in Childhood. Though her article primarily encourages researchers to focus on developing healthy lives for children of divorce rather than lamenting the potential problems, she pointedly wrote about the pain most children feel. "Independent of the long-term consequences of divorce, the initial period following separation is quite stressful for the vast majority of children and adolescents, as they seem to have little emotional preparation for their parents' separation, and react with distress, anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief." Find out how to get your spouse to go crazy head over heels for you and desire you in a way you have never experienced! You will be amazed at how good it feels to have your spouse's attention and affection again - Learn more here She did offer this exception, "Only those youngsters who witnessed or participated in high conflict and violence appeared to be notably relieved at the separation." As one who works with marriages, I agree that violent marriages should not stay together, especially for the safety of the children, as well as one or both spouses. However, most who divorce aren't considering their children's safety. Most, in my experience, don't think much about the children at all. They focus on what they want and feel, and rationalize how that will be best for their children. Divorcing people often do not consider the emotional needs or wants of their childrenrnA few years ago I worked with a couple that had adopted several handicapped children. Their love for children led them to make the sacrifices they knew would be required of both husband and wife to raise those children to adulthood. Carefully, deliberately, and prayerfully they consciously thought through the entire process and together decided it was the right thing to do. That worked fine for a few years. Then he fell in love with someone else. His intensity of passion for the new relationship did more than provide him the emotional rationalization to leave his wife. It provided him enough motivation to leave his wife to take care of those handicapped children. He claimed to love them, but when I asked if he loved them enough to stay with them and give them what they needed, he replied that he had to follow his heart and leave with his lover. When I pursued the conservation by asking what happened to his well-thought-out commitment that led to adopting those children, he shrugged. "Things change," he said. On another occasion I watched a mother leave her son who was ravaged by cancer. She had birthed him, raised him for years, given him a mother's love. However, when "my Prince Charming" came into her life, she no longer felt any obligation to be there for her son as he struggled to live. "He has plenty of people to care about him. I need to do what I need to do for myself," she stated with little evidence of emotion. She had once been very religious, so I asked her what God thought of her abandoning the helpless child to the care of her husband while she started a life anew with someone else. "God loves me. He wants me to be happy. He wants me to do this." What are your children praying?rnBack in 1998, my wife and I saw the Sandra Bullock movie, Hope Floats. I hope never to see it again. Nothing against Sandra or the other actors; rather it was the scene where the daughter followed her father to his vehicle pleading, sobbing, and begging him not to leave. I remember reading at the time that the young actress became so distraught in the scene that Sandra impulsively came to the girl's emotional rescue. The girl threw herself into Bullock's arms continuing to sob in deep distress. It was the most emotionally devastated I have ever been at a movie. All I wanted to do was help that girl. Discover one of the most destructive things you're probably doing to your marriage right now that is destroying your chances of saving it. Learn the key tips to make your spouse turn towards you instead of turning away - Learn more here Of course, it was only a movie. Just acting, though at quite a cost. But it's real in so many ways. Tonight there are thousands of children praying alone in their bedrooms, begging God to stop Dad or Mom from fighting. Pleading with Him to lead their parents back into love. Fearing the apparently inevitable divorce that will split their family apart. Who cares? Mom? Dad? Maybe. Maybe not. Over one million divorces will take place in the USA this year and the majority of those involve families with children. It's hard to say that those parents care what their children pray. They find all the excuses they can to make them feel okay about not working out the marriage for the sake of the children. That helps them deal with the emotions. It doesn't help the children. It doesn't help their faith that God hears their prayers. It doesn't keep them from worrying that somehow they are being abandoned by a parent that they thought would live in the same house with them and love them forever. It is definitely worth saving a marriage for the childrenrnNo child has asked to be born. We bring them into existence. They don't owe us. We owe them. If we have the capability of reproducing, shouldn't we have the capability of responsibility? If parents care enough, they will figure how to solve their problems and save their marriage. Not just save it; make it good. Impossible? Absolutely not. Since 1999 I've personally witnessed "impossible" marriages be saved. Not only saved, but husband and wife learned to be in love with each other again. On average, three out of four when they thought divorce was inevitable. The only problems that are not solvable are those that involve continuing violence or abuse. No one should stay in those. As Kelley was quoted above, children in that environment actually feel relief when divorce comes. Nearly everything else is fixable. It takes two things. Each spouse has to stop doing the things destroying the marriage. Each spouse has to start doing the things to make love grow. Thinking about regaining the status of "Happily Married"? It is possible, and is not difficult if you think it is not. But exactly how you do so? If you would like the source most couples used to revive their relationship, strengthened their marriage, regain trust and love in the marriage and not giving up then visit this Helpful Site. To learn how to save your marriage even if alone at first, then check out this plan of actions that is 100% guaranteed. Over 60,000 couples were able to save their marriages by doing the very same series of steps that you could be doing. If they saved their marriages then you can too! Click Here to see how it's done... If you seriously want to learn how to save a failing marriage and make your love endure all the hurdles of life, you have no option than to learn about patience, communication, commitment, tolerance and beliefs that will make your marriage grow stronger and last longer. So many once happy marriages fail over issues that could have been resolved if one of the couples had only opened the lines of communication and worked systematically towards a solution that will make both parties happy and secure. Honestly, some couples tried what they know to find a solution, while some do not know how to go about it. I am going to make it easy for you today. You can learn how to save a failing marriage by applying 3 easy steps that will turn your life and marriage around for the best. Do you ever feel like the only way to resolve a conflict is by slamming the door and walking away? Or by punishing your partner? It doesn't have to be this way. Find out incredibly powerful strategies for resolving your marriage conflicts in a more constructive and less emotionally stressful way - Find out here You may not know this. Involvement in occult practices is a sure way to invite demons into your marriage. Any contact with the occult realm, no matter how slight, should not be taken lightly. If you desire to save a failing marriage, the first step you must take is to positively renounce it and God's forgiveness asked for. You must begin a spiritual cleansing and deliverance to send the demons packing from your marriage and life. Another important step that will help you to save a failing marriage is to have a genuine compassion for your spouse. You must find every opportunity to demonstrate the true character of your love. You must be willing to go the extra mile and turn your other cheek. You must be totally committed to saving your marriage regardless of the issues - infidelity, dishonesty, cheating, etc. You must be willing to learn new techniques by reading the experiences and strategies of others if you will ever stand a chance to save a failing marriage. Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now. To learn more about how to transform your marriage so your spouse loves and adores you more than they ever has before, visit this helpful site. Marriage failure is what most couples dread. However, marriages fail often and, there are many things that are responsible for this. First, people who are not happy in marriage will cause marriage failure. The source of their unhappiness could be poor communication, infidelity, money and many other things. In many cases, couples opt to get out due to sex. It might be lack of sexual fulfillment, adultery and others. Sex in marriage must be very fulfilling because this is your only legal source. Strife and disagreements in marriage will cause any sex life to be disrupted. This is because sex is not just a physical act but, an emotional and spiritual act. Some men are able to live with cold sex but, sooner or later, they seek emotional love from other sources. To them love is best shown through sex. Housewives may drive their husbands away in this regard due to controlled sex life. It is vital to identify what your problem is to avoid marriage failure. If it is intimacy, there are very many marriage clinics that you can visit. Having a third party mediate through your issues helps a lot and, you can see things from different perspectives. There are two emotions that you are probably holding onto that may be pushing your spouse into the arms (and eventually the bed) OF SOMEONE ELSE. Find out what those emotions are and how to keep them under check- Click Here A huge chunk of marriages fail due to money problems. One partner might be responsible for driving their finances to the dogs. Staying with a person who seems to have a problem can prove to be a challenge therefore, marriage failure is likely. In marriage, money issues are not for one partner. Both must be involved in managing what their expenditure is. A marriage that handles issues of money together is a happy one. They do not have to wonder where money went. Being united in this sense falls into the category of communication. Many couples do not communicate at all. If you want to fail faster than you came to be, try broken communication. Marriage is a companionship or a friendship that is more intimate like no other. If you do not share issues with each other, you are likely to break up. When you are angry with your spouse, you might not want to talk to them. This might become a habit and eventually a disaster. Put in place a plan or strategy for dealing with anger. It is wise for you to resolve your problems at the end of each day. If you do not do this, your problems are going to accumulate and you cannot wish them away. Therefore, marriage failure is preventable if you are willing to work at it. Be nice and pleasant to your spouse. It is little things that make your relationship strong. If you respect and love your spouse, you will go the extra mile and do what it takes to always make things better. Another thing you can do to prevent failure is to learn to voice your objections in a mature way. You will avoid childish behavior which is often common in many households. Do not always be argumentative; be open to objections. Have a rule that, you are not going to let issues that do not matter come your way. Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was. Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.