Talking To Children About Bereavement And Pet Loss

When I was a counsellor with the UK Charity ChildLine, I spoke to children of all ages about many things that worried them, including the loss of a beloved pet, and grief in general.

I was trained to talk to children and not to 'bandage' a child's deep pain over the loss of a loved one. I learnt that respecting what children want to know at any one time and answering them as honestly as possible is the best way to satsify them at a time of family crisis or stress.

Many children only want to know a very little, and they may surprise you by changing the subject quite quickly. This is OK - it means you have given them what they want, for now.

In some families the death of a pet can be a child's first experience of losing a loved one. Or, this loss might remind them of a previous loss and they may be even more upset and react badly, becoming clingy, aggressive or withdrawn as memories resurface.

As a parent you might be nervous of telling your child too little or too much about what has happened to their pet. You may also feel awkward around this subject, or be very distressed yourself, and you may want to ask a friend or a grandparent to help you.

Your child may have witnessed the death of their pet and will need special care and attention from you and to be involved in what happens next. You can prepare yourself by learning about the normal stages of grief and what to do to comfort your children, be they small or teenagers when they experience loss. It is often considered 'uncool' to express these emotions during teenage years, but they are likely to have shared the most time with their pet and will have special memories of their years together.

Having lost a pet, you child may want to remember them in a special way and with the help of my e book you can help them to do so in creative and comforting ways. For many children, commemorating a pet's life is something they need to do and will help them to recover in a healthy way to to honour the close relationship pets so often offer within a family.

This will also teach children to respect animals and fellow human beings for whom, perhaps, a beloved pet IS their family. These lessons are hard, but they are a natural part of the cycle of life and give us valuable lessons in managing feelings and behaviour appropriately.

Wishing you peace and optimism.

Denise Fiennes MBACPnwww.Grievingyourpet.com

If you have any questions or would like to offer feedback please contact me at ndenise@grievingyourpet.com

Denise Fiennes is a Member of the Bristish Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists and has been in private practice and volunteer counselling with major charities in the UK for over 20 years. Her dog, Monty is a PAT dog -na Pet As Therapy. Their joint mission is to give comfort to people who are suffering In any way, but particularly through the devastation of pet loss.

Journey through Pet Loss is a comforting and easy to follow e book, written by a professional, with proven techniques and coping mechanisms to help you through the pain and devastation of pet loss.