Teenage Rebellion is Part of Growing Up

First, examine the underlying factors of your teenager’s behavior. Many parents are in such a rush to “fix” things that they end up treating the symptom instead of the cause. While some teenager rebellious behavior is typical and even developmentally appropriate, there are many situations where the defiance is actually a symptom of something much deeper. The best thing you could do is to start with the understanding that this isn’t about the parent, it’s about the teenager. It may not feel that way when you are the recipient of the tirade. But it is scientifically proven that teenagers primarily melt down only in front of the people they trust most. Therefore, it is always a good idea to look closely to determine if there is a more serious issue. Could depression be playing a factor? Are drugs or alcohol a possibility? Are new friends to blame? Or, more often than not, could your teenager just be trying desperately to get your attention? All of these are situations that may need to be handled differently than a typical rebellious teenager situation, so it is important to try to figure out the root cause of the defiance if at all possible. Second, realize that this rebellious behavior does have an upside. The biggest developmental task of being a teenager is to figure out who they are as a person and to learn how to live independently. By challenging your rules and pushing the boundaries, they are practicing what it will be like in the real world, one where they will be forced to make their own decisions and think for themselves. You have an amazing opportunity to show them the proper way to do this – to be in control of their own lives while still considering others and respecting authority. That’s not the easiest thing to do in the middle of a “war zone” but crucial nonetheless. Even though it will be a long, tiring battle, if done properly, it is a battle with a purpose. Arguing with your rebellious teenager or when they disobey you will probably always make you upset, but reminding yourself that this very process is shaping them into the wonderful adults they will turn out to be might make it just a little more bearable. Third, hate the behavior but love the teenager. Although the eye rolls and backtalk might suggest differently, most teenagers really do yearn for attention from their parents. While this doesn’t necessarily mean they would give up going to the mall with their friends to hang out with you, it does mean that all those little things that you do are noticed. Do you praise your teenager for any of the positive things they are doing? Do you take time out of your day to talk to them about their interests and things that they would like to talk about? Do you keep asking them to spend quality time with you…even if they always turn you down? These may seem minor and insignificant to you, but trust me, they may be huge to your teenager. Remember when your teenager was a toddler, and all the books told you to practice positive reinforcement? Well, it still holds true today! Teenagers would much rather be praised than fight however, they would rather fight than be ignored. So make sure to take the time to show your love towards your teenager. Even if it doesn’t seem to make a difference to them , it will ultimately end up making a huge difference in their behavior.