Temper Tantrums: How to Prepare Your Toddler for the Changes of Divorce

Divorce is not just a painful situation for the adults involved in the decision, but perhaps even more so for toddlers. Sometimes adults think that divorce doesn't have as much of an effect on younger children, because they do not fully understand the relationship. While that is true in a sense, they will still feel the changes resulting from a divorce. Toddlers especially rely on familiarity and routine and during a divorce both are likely to be interrupted. What They Comprehendr The main thing a toddler will comprehend is either their mother or father is no longer in the same house. They will likely constantly wonder where their other parent is and ask about it. Even if they have been given an answer recently, the question may be repeated. The truth is that they do not entirely understand what has changed, and may not understand it is a permanent change until they reach school age. Toddlers also pick up on stress easily, but are unlikely to understand why and may respond with crying and fussing. How to Talk About itr The main thing to remember is that toddlers live in the present. They do not understand the future very well, so it's important not to say anything until plans are definite and in motion. Remember too, that you will be repeating your explanation frequently. When the change happens, tell them that their other parent will be living in a different house and explain that they will be living with you, and visiting the other parent. You can later add details about the other house they might understand, such as saying it's next to a store or playground. Reinforce that the child is loved and will see both parents, if applicable. Make sure to keep routines as normal as possible so the child can thrive and feel stable. Try to keep negative conversation about the other parent out of range and give them a chance to express their own feelings when necessary. If you and your spouse have real problems, try to find safe, public or neutral ground to meet at and interact with the child in. A Blumenauer Hackworth family lawyer trained in these matters can help you set up a schedule and find ways to meet neutrally. Divorce is a difficult time, from finding a lawyer, to selling property and moving, but if you approach your child confidently and simply, you can take one factor of stress out of your life. The two most important things to remember is that your child should be protected from conflict between their parents and the parents' own ability to cope with the divorce.