The 2-Step Solution for Getting Your Kids to Share

Does your child hoard toys and possessions or have trouble taking turns? Many times we think that by just telling our child to “play nice” it will be enough to get him or her to share, however the REAL way to achieve your goal of getting your child to consider the needs and feels of others and share and/or take turns is to actually SHOW how sharing looks. How do you do this effectively? Here are the two steps you will want to take to see quick success.

One of the most common kid problems is sharing. Young children have the most difficulty because they’re in that “me-me-me” phase. Its hard thinking about others when your own needs are so pressing! But this should not make us parents just step back and say, “It’s a phase, they’ll grow out of it.” This is the time our kids need our guidance.

Sharing is an essential habit for kids to learn. It is one of the first and most essential skills that have a direct impact on our daily interactions, whether we’re driving, standing in line, having a conversation, or playing a game. Sharing also lays the groundwork for generosity, civility, respect, friendship, empathy, and solving conflicts.

Step One is to begin showing and teaching sharing as early as possible. Make sharing a common topic of conversation in your home. When you are playing with your child, make his or her toys do something that is like sharing. Or say things like, “Can I have a turn? Thank you! Now it’s your turn.”

Other situations are perfect for showing sharing skills as well. Phrases like,” You sat in the front seat last week. Now it’s your sister’s turn.” Or Remember, everyone gets a turn at the game.” You can really use phrases like this when you are playing games like Chutes and Ladders, Fish or Old Maid which are perfect for teaching turn-taking.

A very important point to keep focus on is the VALUE of sharing, in other words, the impact sharing has on other people. This will greatly increase the likelihood that your child will repeat the behavior. A phrase such as, “Did you see Thomas’s smile when you shared your toys? You made him happy!” or “Kyla enjoyed coming over to our house because you shared your toys so nicely. Well done!”

You have heard it before but it is absolutely worth mentioning: always teach by example. Let your child see you sharing so that he or she has a model to copy. Offer your husband the bigger piece of pizza and express a bit more than usual how you love to share with him because you know it makes him happy.

And finally, set clear expectations before guests arrive. Once your child knows your rules, then expect him or her to share. Your rule can be that your child is able to put away any toys he or she does not want to share before his/her friend comes over. Anything left out MUST be shared.

Step two is to enforce step one. You have modeled sharing and your child has practiced. You have even put away special toys that he/she didn’t want to share, so now, if your child “forget to share” it’s time to take action.

The easiest way I have found to ensure that turn taking takes place is to use a timer. It can be the timer on the oven or a simple egg timer. Let the children playing agree on a set amount of time, usually only a few minutes, for using an item and then set the timer for that amount. When the time is up, the item is passed to the other child for his/her turn. It’s amazing how this works! Kids are much more likely to listen to a timer than the voice of their mother.

In instances where your child might grab a toy away from his sister, borther or friend, redo the scene so that he learns to think of the one deprived of the turn. For example, say, “Tell your sister you’d like a turn without grabbing the toy”, or “Try that again so your friend has a turn with the bubble machine.”

If your child refuses to share an item then he/she can be given a “time-out”. Or, if you have an older child, make a rule that if you see them refusing to share their toys then they lose the privilege of playing with the friend that day. The rule can be, “If you don’t share, you don’t play”.