The A-Z Guide For Successful Singles – A is for Attraction »

What does your relationship history look like? Do you keep:

* Falling for the ‘wrong’ kind of person?
* Jumping in and out of relationships that just don’t seem to work?
* Attracting ‘bad’ relationships?
* Getting into relationships that seem to follow a similar pattern?
* Making excuses so you don’t have to start dating again?
* Feeling too frightened or guarded to look for a relationship?
* Reading all the books on how to flirt and make anyone love you – only to find that nothing really helps?

I cannot tell you the number of clients I have worked with over the years, who by all standards appear very successful and confident, but who had a pattern of getting into the wrong kinds of relationships.

And I only need to look at my own relationship history, one relationship in particular. By outside standards I was doing pretty well. I was working as a psychologist in a specialist unit and was well respected by my colleagues. I was building up a private therapy practice, I lived in a beautiful part of the country, had expensive holidays with my partner – and I was keeping a secret. I was in an abusive relationship.

What I came to realise and what my clients learn is that problems in our relationships aren’t about the other person. Yes, it’s easier to point the finger at our ex-partner’s. Yes, it feels better to the ego to think they are the bad guys and we are the good guys. But as Morrie and Arleah Shechtman write, “Relationships don’t have problems, people do” (Love In The Present Tense)

What I came to realise and what my clients come to realise is that we get in our own way and the only way to solve our relationship problems is to figure out how to get out of our own way.

If you are reading this, you are probably fairly self aware. You are trying to understand how you get in your own way. You turn to the dating and “relationship experts” but still don’t understand why things aren’t changing for you.

Why Doesn’t The Dating Advice Work?

Like the dieting industry, the dating advice industry is a multi-million dollar industry that doesn’t actually work. In my forthcoming book: Get Real! Relationship Success, 7 Strategies For Attracting Love From The Inside Out I share with you secrets they don’t want you to know but for now. . .

Every day I get loads of information about dating and relationship advice coming through my inbox. Look at some of the article titles that have just come in today:

* “How To Make Him/Her Fall In Love You Fast”
* “Make Him/Her Fall In Love With You. Secrets You Should Know”
* “How To Get Your Ex Back”
* “How Can I Make Him/Her Fall In Love With Me”
* “Make Him/Her Fall In Love With You Again and Again”
* “How To Make Him/Her Want You”

Do you see the common thread? So much of the advice is based on ‘making’ or ‘forcing’ someone to love you. That’s one way you get in your own way – by trying to get someone to love you.

Let’s Get Real here! You cannot force, require, persuade, or make someone to love you. You can only attract love.

The Secret To Being Irresistibly Attractive

If you can’t ‘make’ someone love you, then what is the secret to attracting love? It’s simple but it’s not necessarily easy.

As Talane Miedaner succinctly puts it in her book, The Secret Laws of Attraction:

“The secret to being irresistibly attractive . . .

is to fulfill your unmet emotional needs and live your top core values”

While it’s straightforward and simple – it’s not necessarily easy and here’s why:

* Most people don’t think they have unmet needs – this is especially true if they are successful and smart. It’s easy to hide behind your smarts and success.
* Most people don’t want to think they have unmet needs – who really wants to admit they are “needy”?
* Most people haven’t got a clue what their core values are

Let’s clarify two things. Firstly, as humans we all have needs (see Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs) and secondly, it’s only when those needs don’t get met that we become “needy.”

So, the solution is simple really:

* Don’t try to pretend you don’t have any needs. It’s a bit like people who are in debt. They stick their heads in the sand and hope the debt will go away. It doesn’t. It continues to grow until they are in such trouble they have to face and deal with it.
* Get clear about your needs and make sure you are getting your needs met.
* Then, get clear about your core values. When you are living out your core values – you are being the best of you. You become attractive and you will attract others with similar core values. It’s at the level of values that relationships are made or broken.

If you have tried the flirting books and the dating advice and are ready to go deeper to finding out how you get in your own way, you can start here:

* Unmet Needs and Being Needy:

Dating Trap 1 – Trying To Be Someone You’re Not »

Dating Trap 2 – “I Need Your Love”

* Testing Whether You Are Needy:

Alone, Lonely And Desperate For A Relationship? »

* Core Values:

Dating Trap 6: Common Interests Are Enough »

When you look after you needs and you live your values and passions you will effortlessly attract relationships.

“At the end of the day, being a happy successful single is a precursor to a happy and successful relationship. Successful singles are those who know who they are and what they’re about. They live successful lives and they are the ones who attract happy relationships”

(Get Real! Relationship Success, 7 Strategies For Attracting Love From The Inside Out - http://tinyurl.com/yjfbjk3 )