The Elephant and the Twig (& Rodney)

Isn’t it great to be alive? This week, I have two distinctive, but equally profound, pearls of wisdom for you. One is from India, and the other from Peckham. Where you take your positive inspiration from does not really matter, only that you take some, and use it.

Have you ever heard the story of ‘The Elephant and The Twig’? In India they train obedience in young elephants (to stop them from escaping) by tying them to a huge immovable object, like a tree, when they are still very young. The tree is so large that no matter how hard the baby elephant pulls and tugs it cannot break free. This develops what is known as ‘learned helplessness’ in the creature. After trying so hard and for so long to break the hold, only to be thwarted time and again, it eventually believes that, no matter what it does, it cannot escape. Ultimately, as a fully-grown adult weighing several tons, they can tie the elephant to a twig and it won’t escape(!) - in fact it won’t even try.

Do you ever feel like this? That you are tied to an immovable object and can’t break free? That you couldn’t possibly give that presentation at work; that you can’t speak up for yourself; that you could never sing in public (no matter how much you love to sing in the house); that you would never be able to go it alone in business; that because school did not suit you, you must be thick; or that you have to remain stuck in a social and lifestyle rut, as there is no other alternative? This is the kind of self-defeatist nonsense that we sometimes allow to destroy our lives. Then we beat ourselves up for being so weak. Worse still, we can teach our children to be the same. One more thing to bully ourselves over.

The stark fact is that these beliefs are the twigs by which we have allowed ourselves to be held back . We allow silly little things to appear like big scary things – all the better to frighten ourselves with. We are not being held back by a rock or a big tree – we just think we are. Each and any of them can be tackled, easily, once you decide to take action - start today! Make a list of all the things you wish you could do, and why you can’t do them. Then you can see clearly where to start. Often, even making the list will make some of them look so ridiculous that you will just do them. When you have your list you know where to start.

Running From Rodneyr
I was discussing with a Client recently how we are so used to running from our fears. How it is only when you turn to face them that we discover these fears are like most bullies – not very strong when you stand up to them. I was reminded of a quote from James Connolly “The Great only appear great because we are on our knees; Let Us Rise!” We are often puzzled, after we decide to face down our fears, as to what exactly we were so afraid of in the first place.

Anyways, we discussed this for a while, then yer man started laughing. I asked him what was so funny and he replied “You know that time on ‘Only Fools & Horses’ when Rodney was chasing the robber? He chases him for ages, then you see the robber stop and think ‘Why am I running from this skinny eejit?’ Next of all, you see the two of them running again… but this time it’s Rodney being chased by the robber! Well that’s all I can see now when I think of (his issue)”. Basically, once he saw his fear as Rodney he was unable to take it seriously - ever again! Now for anyone who has seen this moment of comedy genius, it is burned forever in their mind. I would suggest that if you can see your fears as Rodney, then they will seem a lot less powerful. In fact they will seem ridiculous.

So, are you being held back by a twig? Are you still running from Rodney? Would you like to be free instead? Well the only person who can decide to change is you. The only one who can demand your freedom is you. I don’t mean to sound smug here. I understand that every fear we feel can seem overwhelming. I know that, for the victim, and their loved ones, they feel very real, very powerful – but they are only paper tigers, once you are prepared to face them. If you are stuck, I know someone who can help you with that. But the choice remains yours. Thank You for listening.