The Gifts We Give Our Children - Part I

When I was a teenager, I never asked my parents for small things. (It could have something to do with the pair of roller skates I asked for when I was 10 and never got, Dad!) I asked for big things. Really BIG things: a car, a trip abroad, a week at a spa. In each case, I felt they were extravagant requests, and I also thought- “What the hell? What is the worst that could happen, they’ll say no?” My parents were always very generous with me; it is their way of expressing their love.

So, now I am a parent. And of course my husband and I were going to get it right. When we buy gifts, we try to spend our money in ways that bring us together as a family. Vacations and meals out rank high on the list. We favor puzzles and our ping pong table. Rather surprisingly, the hammock, which I bought for my husband, has turned into a family magnet as well!

We try to set limits

Today, BIG things usually mean a gadget or game for your television, anything hand-held and electronic, cell phones and access to social networking websites. So let’s get some things clear. Our kids do not have TV’s in their room. There was no internet access until last year (they were 14 and 12). We never owned a Nintendo, an xbox or a ps2. We don’t have a Wii. When our older son was in 8th grade he was in the “no cell phone” club. There were three of them until the day he came home and announced, “It’s just me, Ma!” Now that he travels to a high school 30 minutes away, he does have a cell phone (bottom of the line NO blue tooth and NO texting). AIM accounts were started and stopped (Okay, this was more because they were messing up my computer than because of any objections we had to it.)

It is our way of expressing our love

You might think that all of this has led to a lot of strife at home. It hasn’t. Mostly, it led to our kids preferring play dates at their friends’ houses! Now that our kids have their own laptops and internet access, even they agree when I say, “This computer thing is out of control, don’t you think?” (Is it better for me to keep shouting upstairs that dinner is ready or should I follow their lead when they e-mail me to ask, “what’s for dinner”?)

Really, the amazing thing is that our kids get that we value human interaction over parallel play on a screen. They may feel periodically deprived and they also know that this has been our way of awakening their potential and forestalling their addiction to technology. Things do change though. Stay tuned!