The "Mountain" To Self Value

I have been guided to speak with you of my recent journey of "self value".

Earlier this year I wrote to you of the importance of self value and how I personally had integrated an essence of value in my life by listening to my own needs and doing my best to fulfill them, recognising it was not the "job" of others to fulfill them for me.

I spoke of fresh flowers I place by my bedside, the dedicated time I allow myself to meditate daily - just simple things that placed value on who I am and how I feel about me, really.

It is so easy on a day to day basis as a parent, partner, therapist and so on, to place other people's needs above our own, telling ourselves and the Universe that other people and their needs are of greater importance and of greater value.

There comes a time in everyone's life where we have to learn to be our own parent. This again I have spoken of before and tried to assist that understanding by explaining we need to learn to love, nurture and value ourselves as much as our own children/loved ones. We also need to re - evaluate beliefs of "value" that we learnt then that may not be suitable now - like "you have to work hard to get any where in the world." "That is not good enough" ...

This is problay one of the most difficult things we have to learn. On a whole, the majority of people I have met have not been in balance with this area (because I haven't) - wonderful, kind, loving people who give endlessly to others even when they are feeling tired, exhausted and basically - well crappy!

Why is this?

Since November the 11th I again have been taken back to the greatest dephts of my soul. Releasing, remembering and embracing parts of myself. And this time behind an angry, protective and rightfully so - defensive 8 year old, I found a lost, vulnerable 4 year old "me".

The memories found there are not for me to share, that time is not now but what I did find is that she felt under - valued, unworthy of anything "pretty" , fearfull and confused beyond confusion as to what love is.

In the Here and Now, nearly 36 "me" values who she is and maintains daily that she feels of value firstly to herself and then to others-

And yet when there is a "forgotten" part of ourselves that does not FEEL as the adult does in the Now, we are not in true alignment - and the messages sent out to the Universe and the Angelic Realm are mis - interpretated.

Many of you I am sure have read or watched "The Secret" - as wonderful as the information shared is, it speaks very much of your thoughts in the Now and how they create your reality - this is true BUT for example when there is a 35 year old with "her" thoughts and yet within a 4 year old with conflicting thoughts, the reality will still present the "under valued" sub personality -

Our life reflects what we need to heal

I am trying my best to put this into words and I pray that you will feel, hear and digest what is right for you.

The Angels have spoken to me of the importance of self value as now is a time of immense new energies that are on the "brim" of birthing - BUT we have to feel of value as a "whole" - not just who you are today in the Now but you as a baby, you as a toddler, you as a school child, you as a teenager, you as an adult and so on ...

I completely appreciate the "mountain" of learning self value. Those of us who were not "parented" and nurtured with love and compassion as children will not know how to parent ourselves. We can be very good, well - amazing - at parenting others and placing all their needs before our own - but because we have not received for ourselves from a young age and from people who played a huge "role" in our lives, it has just not bee
"learnt" - we will need to return to that space of time, heal it and learn to be our own loving parent and protector.

It is also recognising that you have been parenting yourself all your life but more than likely repeating how you were parented rather than how you would have liked or should have been parented - until we heal and review how we treat ourselves , we will treat oursleves as our parents did and maybe still do.

The "mountain" I can ensure you is worth more than any price tag I can possibly name.

In recent meditations I have "spoken" with the 4 year old on many occasions . I listen to her with love not criticism. I have asked her to speak loudly so that I can no longer ignore her needs...

She loves wearing red - hated all those yukky green dresses - she tells me off if I wear black everyday - she wanted to be an ice - skater, so I am now taking ice - skating lessons and LOVING IT!.
I laugh so much more, I am learning to ignore all boundaries placed around "play" and that is truly wonderful - I CAN paint and I can draw.
And my closest relationships have changed beyond recognition - people hear me because I hear me - I feel respected, valued and loved. My needs are being met! My inner world creating my reality.

The most beautiful moment from all of this was when "she" showed me a pink wooden fairy castle in meditation - I decided I would ask my husband to build it- poor bloke!
The next day while Christmas shopping, there in the Early Learning Center was the exact pink wooden castle - I bought it - I bought it with out guilt and I did not return it the next day.

I bought it for her. The lost, vulnerable and under valued girl in me, who has now spoken, been heard and believed!!

The castle is a symbol. A symbol of my love for her, the beauty she is - and a symbol of "our" wholeness and healing -
For I am her castle. nn