The Orphan Club

Here I am sixty years old, without parents, without accountability to anyone but myself, staring at mortality and a member of the orphan club.

This is a club I or others do not aspire to belong. There is no age limit, no occupation restrictions, no ethnic or gender requirements, no time limit, and you do not choose to join this club. Your membership is virtue of your parent(s) dying.
It is a silent club. Members do not know that they belong to this club, there are no scheduled meetings, and members may not know each other or they may not know one another. Grief is the common attribute among its members.

We don’t have many opportunities to talk about our grief, no formal means of expressing our grief, and nowhere to channel the grief. How do we release the deep pain of losing our parent(s)?

In order to help my fellow orphan club members, I recommend the following:

• Write down the things you treasure about your parent(s)—memories, sayings, occasionsn • Compile your family photos and put them in a CD/DVD and share them with your siblings, children and other family membersn • Create a blog in parent(s) memory so family members can post their commentsn • Record your thoughtsn • Develop an oral history of your familyn • Create a family album of life remembrances

My goal is to let orphan club members know that they are not alone and that we all need to express our grief. Grief is like a slinky toy. We keep bouncing between the rings in the spiral, bouncing between the stages of grief. Our level of grief comes and goes.

Some of us grieve every day, some grieve whenever a certain memory arises, and some bury their grief deep within themselves. However we choose to grieve, we need to give ourselves permission that it is not only all right to grieve, but necessary to our well being.

Hopefully one or all of my above recommendations will assist you in managing your grief. The pain felt in losing one’s parent is dulled by time but is still forever present in our souls. Belonging to the orphan club does not ease the pain; however, it demonstrates the fact that there are many members who feel the same way you do. You are not alone, you are a member of the orphan club!