The Secret to a Successful Relationship

Human Relationships can be enlightening and supporting but can also cause drama and trauma. This is also and especially the case of male-female relationships. You can see such a relationship as a special kind of interaction where two different physiologies and two different biological strategies meet. They come from a different origin and they aim at a different target but meet at a crossroad. When they meet the same nature of their biology dictates union.

A union between male and female biology can generate a state of enthusiasm, joy passion and relaxation that no other relation could instil. This is probably due to the biological prospect for a new life that can be born from this bond. The union of what the Chinese philosophers were calling “Yin” and “Yang” is creating harmony and wellbeing.

A fully opened and relaxed state exists when one can let go of all social, psychological and emotional restraints and is generally associated with specific hormones released in the body. In order to reach this condition, it is necessary for the regions of the brain associated with behavioral control and anxiety to be deactivated, thus leaving the person in a state of blissful affective drive for life.

Many studies have already shown a correlation between oxytocin plasma levels and affective social bonding which increased trust and decreased fear. In many mammals oxytocin evokes feelings of affection, reduces anxiety and increases feelings of security. Studies also confirmed a positive relation between oxytocin plasma levels and adult romantic attachment.

A long-lasting and meaningful relationship must therefore consider the biological and instinctive needs of the other in order to maintain continuous mental and physical aperture and a regular release of hormones, including oxytocin, that come from love and trust alone.

Because male and female biology provoke two very different survival needs, disregarding the necessities of the other can render a quarrelsome and unraveling relationship.

A man instinctively searches a source of stability in a woman, whereas a woman biologically seeks security in a man. When the searched values are not found or found and later lost a deep discontentment can arise in a couple.

Ultimately, any miscommunication or quarrel that may arise in a couple is a basic attempt to expose the original lack of the fundamental biological prerogatives mentioned above. It all comes down to: is he man enough and is she woman enough?

Male biology developed through the ages engaging into activities that focus on locomotion, hunting, attacking and defending, thus basically magnifying the natural fight or flight instinct with the activation of specific areas such as the amygdala. For thousands of years, male bodies have been exposed to the rule win or die that still lies harbored deeply within their instincts.

To better understand a man, a woman should consider this biological tendency in a man and comprehend that rushed instinctual decisions, stubbornness, intense activity alte
ated with complete relaxation is part of male natural makeup. What made a male a male through the ages was the ability to locate sources of survival and defend them. It was the mono-tasking ability to concentrate on one goal, save all energy for it and achieve it at all costs.

Female biology developed through the ages in challenging and rough environments in a very different way: using the tend and befriend instinct. It adapted to threats and dangers developing diplomatic behavior, esthetical desirability, emotional recognition through facial expressions, healing abilities, gathering and nurturing abilities, territorial mapping, multi-tasking managing and educating. It thus activates other specific brain areas such as the hippocampus, related with short term memory.

To better understand a woman, a man should consider that appearances and pleasant environments are highly desirable to females and loud noises, violent reactions, and illogical behavior are seen as threats to a woman, leaving them less kind and mostly anxious. Moreover, the mono-tasking tendencies of a man to concentrate obsessively on their goals to achieve might put a female partner into a state of disheartening dissatisfaction, thus causing a drop in oxytocin levels.

Due to a different stress managing system males can often minimize events that are significant and important to women, while a woman can appear often using an apprehensive and anxious conduct to a man. Males and females vary greatly in behavior and reaction to stress but follow general biological guidelines based neither on culture nor education but on genetics.

A male biology would have a general tendency to function hierarchically, just like a military system whereas a female one would rather operate like a political system, considering more points of view and always weighing the best option out of a collection of possibilities.

In evaluating a possible partner a man would be overwhelmed by an indefinite state of attraction with an intense physical drive to be with the chosen person, while a woman will often ponder factors as physical attraction, age, social status, geographical location, language, dressing style before accepting to engage into a partnership. Male mentality would often operate on a binary base of yes or no, whereas a female mind would rather find many grey areas in between.

A typical male problem-solving approach would try to find the quickest and most effective solution to a problem regardless of the effort, pain and damage involved. This is also indicated in male suicide rates being extremely more frequent in many countries than female, according to statistics provided by the WHO. Female mentality, on the other hand, would tend to compromise and to politically adapt to requests, necessities and points of views, trying to find a common goal and a conflict-less solution to a problem.

Should the individuals in the relationship fail to meet the instinctive needs in the other, they usually result in a growth apart, needing to take separate paths in order to find a different suitor who can provide the biological needs sought for. This is often associated with the feeling of having “outgrown” the other and needing to go “separate ways”.

In the end it is important to remember that in all relationships, especially between men and women, a general biologically-based behavior is dictated. No culture or social rule can completely over-ride this conduct, no matter how modernized and civilized a society may be.