The Secret to Creating Committed Relationships

Anyone who is in a loving relationship knows how good it feels to be able to trust each other implicitly. Both people know that the well being of the relationship is paramount. Yet there are many couples who are not able to achieve such closeness and intimacy with each other.

Recently I heard a radio broadcast where the speaker discussed the changes he had observed among NBA players. He talked about the Old School players who played hard and had a loyalty to the team and the New School players who also played hard but were primarily focused on their personal gain. He felt that the direction to being so "ME" focused was not good for the sport. This got me thinking that over the years we have become a very "ME" focused society and this theme plays itself out in many arenas from sports to politics to families.

The task for couples is to find a balance whereby each takes responsibility to grow as an individual while at the same time focusing on strengthening their relationship. The key for couples is to learn to establish a relationship balance that allows each individual to evolve personally while simultaneously growing the couple unit. It involves learning to think on two levels at the same time: myself and my relationship.

The secret to creating healthy committed relationships is to besides valuing oneself to also simultaneously value the well being of the relationship. It takes viewing the relationship as a separate unique entity. In reality there are three parts to a relationship - I, You, and We. All three are equally important and have to be nurtured.If you primarily think of your own goals and what you desire you will be "me" focused. If instead you align your individual goals with your relationship goals you are thinking on two levels at the same time. When you think "What do I want?" you will simultaneously ask yourself "How will this impact on my relationship?"

I have worked with many couples where each individual is much more focused on self and not simultaneously thinking of the relationship. I call these people "married singles". They are indeed a product of the "ME" generation. The sad thing is that by being so "ME" focused on personal fulfillment they are not giving to nor are they getting from their relationship what they desire. These couples generally manage their joint responsibilities, however they do not feel the intimacy and connection they yearn for from their relationship.

What is the answer? The answer is resetting the foundation of the relationship to encompass all three dimensions - yourself (I),your partner (YOU) and the relationship as a loving entity (WE). By shifting your energy to caring about yourself, caring about your partner, and caring about the relationship the well being of all three parts is ensured. As you develop a shared purpose in your relationship you and your partner will be enhanced as individuals and relate to each other with love.