The Secret To True Intimacy

Intimacy is a wonderful feeling we all want with our spouse. True intimacy is a feeling of being emotionally close to your spouse. So how do you get there, and stay there?

Real intimacy is the feeling you get when you share the extra energy you have with your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. While at the same time they are sharing the extra energy they have with you.
It all starts with feeling good with who you are right now. Feeling good right now requires a certain amount of your own energy.
Let's say it takes 4 units of your own energy to feel good, and you have 10 units available to you. That means you have 6 more than you need to feel good.
Let's say your spouse has the very same 10 units of their own energy, and also needs 4 of it to feel good right now. The two of you create that feeling of intimacy with each other when you each keep the 4 you need to feel good, and you each share the extra 6 you have with the other.
You are literally sharing the abundance of 12 units of energy (6 of yours, 6 of his) that you have between the two of you. It's an abundance, and it's an equal mixture of the energy that comes from each of you.
As a couple, you are sharing it with each other. This equal sharing of the extra is what makes it true intimacy.
BEING HAPPY WITH YOURSELF COMES FIRST

Part of the skill of creating intimacy is knowing what energy to keep for yourself. Why do you need to keep some for yourself?

You have to be happy with yourself first. Feeling happy with who you are, whether you're in a relationship or not, requires energy. Your own energy is there to create that feeling for you. You just have to learn to reach for it.
You have to have enough of your own energy to feel good, before you are able to create that extra. You have to have that extra, and share it with your spouse, to create the experience of true intimacy.
A FEELING OF LONGING

A feeling of longing means you don't have enough of your own energy right now to feel good. The best thing you can do about this is find it within yourself.
If you look to your spouse to give you the energy you need to get to a place where you feel good about yourself, they will have to give you a lot of their own energy to get you there. They will feel drained later, which means they won't be able to feel close to you.
This is because the relationship at that moment is fueled with mostly their energy. There is very little of your energy for them to reach out and connect with. This causes an imbalance between the two of you. They feel this.
BALANCED ENERGY

Emotional closeness happens where there is balance. The best way to maintain that balance in the relationship, when you feel down, is to learn how to recharge your own energy so you feel up.
Intimacy is not a solution to feeling down, it is one possible way to experience feeling up. You have to "get your energy up" on your own before you can feel true intimacy with your partner.
BALANCED SHARING

True intimacy is the experience of a balanced sharing of the extra emotional energy that both of you created. That means the first step to feeling close to your partner is to have enough of your own energy to feel good about yourself.
When you have enough, you can create extra. When you have extra, you can share it with your spouse and feel close to them.