The Six C's to Building High Self-Esteem

Imagine a water pitcher filled to almost overflowing. Now, see yourself pouring a glass of water from that pitcher. Make sure the glass, like the pitcher, is full. The water pitcher represents what I like to call the fountain of self-esteem. The glass of water represents you. From the time you were born you came here full of self-esteem. The problem, however, is that you probably didn't stay that way. What happened? Life! And with each life-defining event such as graduating from high school and college, getting a job, understanding that you actually have give the electric company money to keep the lights on, getting into a relationship (or out of one), and the list could go on, we use and lose a little bit of our self-esteem. The point is this: Life's events drain our self-esteem unless we are consciously refilling and replenishing ourselves. In many of my seminars I use the water pitcher illustration to help people understand how important self-esteem is, and why it's necessary to work on building and maintaining good strong self-esteem at all times. All of us are on a journey, whether we want to be or not. Some of us know where we're going because we chose a certain path. Others are on a road that leads to somewhere, and while it is a journey, it is a directionless one. Self-esteem or the lack thereof contributes to how successful we are on our journeys. Your journey can pleasant or it can be painful. This will always depend on how well-adjusted you are, and how well you take care of yourself. Therefore, it is critical to renew and replenish your self-esteem while on your life's journey. Here are a few ideas to help you experience self-esteem success today: Choose to kick the negative people out of your life. Stay away from people who have chosen to wrap themselves in a negativity force field. These people, through their attitude and negative conversations, hold us back from our progress. Get rid of them, and don't look back! Choose to keep the positive people in your life. To experience a steady supply of replenishing self-esteem, you have to build positive relationships with others. It may sound selfish, but you want to have people in your life willing to support you on your journey to uncovering and discovering your true self. Take a "friends" inventory. Who nurtures you? Who's there for you when you're going through a rough time? Who speaks life to you? Well, those are the people to keep around. Consider fulfilling your own needs. I've asked thousands of women in my stress management seminars if they were given a $5,000 gift with only stipulation---that they spend every dollar on themselves, how many would be willing to accept that gift. Over the last 10 years I've been amazed at how many would not accept the gift. They've said things like, "I couldn't be that selfish, Dr. Angela." I have to think about my family." Now, I am not espousing an "all about me" philosophy, but I am saying how can you expect to properly care for others if you have not first attended to your own needs? Think of it this way: when you board a plane and listen to the safety information lecture, the first thing you're advised to do in case of a drop in oxygen is to first put your oxygen mask on then help others. Is that selfish? I think not. It just makes good sense for "how can I take care of thee if I have not first taken care of me?" Cultivate an attitude of humility. C.S. Lewis put it best when he said, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." It is an attitude of humility that empowers you to take responsibility for your life. Humility helps us to build healthy levels of self-respect because you are keenly aware of humanness, your flaws, and your unique set of idiosyncrasies. True humility nurtures high self-esteem because it permits you to see yourself as you are, and more importantly, to accept yourself without shame or apology. Channel positive self-expression. There has been much written on the power of the words you speak. Some experts believe that negative self-expression is so powerful it can affect our health and our wealth. Some even believe that to effect real changes in your life, you have to change what you're saying to yourself about yourself. I agree. It is easy to verbalize negativity, especially about yourself. Think about it. Do you ever hear yourself saying things like, "I'm so stupid. I never remember names. I'm always broke. I don't know where my money goes," etc. Words are alive, and no word is without its affect, whether positive or negative. Chose to channel positive self-expression and you will soon begin to experience a positive life-expression. Change your point of view. Even the best and most successful people experience challenges. Remember Oprah's battle with the Texas cattlemen back in 1998? What about Magic Johnson's HIV diagnosis in 1992? Or the untimely death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, and the challenges his three young children face now that they are fatherless? Since it is inevitable that we will go through many changes both positive and negative throughout our life, it's important that we learn to reframe our point of view. I realize that it's a cliché, but sometimes we have to choose to see our glasses half-full and not half-empty. Instead of seeing ourselves as failures, we have to envision ourselves as successes. Rather than believing that the world is out to get us, we have to believe that the world is conspiring to do us good. Changing your point of view will help to maintain and increase your self-esteem. Summary: I've said it once, but it bears repeating: You are on a journey. The journey can be pleasant or it can be painful, depending on how well-adjusted you are, and how well you take care of yourself, so start right now to implement the six tips outlined in this article and begin to experience self-esteem success today!