The Two Faces of Infidelity: Which is the Bigger Problem?

If you are reading this because you are getting paranoid about your partner rather than looking for ways to make the relationship work, then you must try reading some self-help books or articles against paranoia first.

Knowing the two different faces of infidelity prepares you to realize what you are or could be up against and how you work on it—maturely. But if you will use this knowledge to nag at your partner, then definitely, this information will be just put into waste.

Physical Infidelity

From the context itself, physical infidelity refers to having an illicit affair based on physical attraction, oftentimes, involving sexual intercourse. Physical infidelity can vary from sexual affairs with no emotions involved to sexual affairs that later on develop emotional attachment.

At times, physical infidelity can also be caused by psychological disorders like in the case of nymphomania or excessive desire for sex. There are even some instances where a patient refuses to have sexual intercourse with his/her wife or husband, and yet freely does it with strangers.

Emotional Infidelity

Optimally, emotional infidelity is something that invests on emotions rather than physical attraction. Hence, a relationship that starts on emotional attraction but still ends up in illicit sexual affair still falls in the physical infidelity category. It means, then, that emotional infidelity involves no sexual contact.

Emotional infidelity can be as simple as conversations over the phone, via email or even letters—pretty much the same as what Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks did on Sleepless in Seattle. Emotional infidelity is when two people share even their most intimate secrets that are expected to be shared with your partner first.

Which is the Bigger Problem?

Based on the circumstances, physical infidelity that leads to unwanted pregnancies is a terrible heart-breaker. However, it is more difficult to break the bond created in emotional infidelity, as it reaches a more platonic level.

People who delve into emotional infidelity usually do so, purposely or not, for a couple of reasons: (1) lack of intimacy in the legitimate relationship, not just sexually but also emotionally; (2) lack of communication; (3) lack of attention or interest in each other; and (4) boredom. Although it is the bigger problem, if detected early, it can be easily resolved. That is through open communication.

You need to show your partner that you are willing to listen and that you are opening all chances to work this thing out. At times, it may also be helpful to give yourselves a break from each other—some time dedicated only or mainly for yourself. Afterwards, it is also advisable to spend time once again and regain each other’s trusts.

There is no certain recipe for a perfect relationship. But if you bring in the ingredients at the right time, with right timing and with the right kind of spice, your relationship will surely be a bestseller.