The Untold Damage to Children After Divorce

These days it seems that everyone knows someone who has had a divorce. Maybe you’re even considering it yourself. There are a lot of things that might make a couple consider divorce. When you consider all the challenges the modern marriage faces, such as a staggering rate of infidelity that touches nearly one in two marriages, it is no surprise that so many marriages end in divorce court. I know, however, that children are an enormous concern when it comes to making that decision about staying or going. After all, everyone wants to make sure that their children have the best possible shot at leading a successful and happy life. Some authorities may tell you that children are quite resilient and that they will bounce back quickly from divorce, but here I want you to consider some other statistics on how children are affected by the divorce of their parents. In a study published by the Institute for American Values in 2002, the following statistics were discovered after following several families over an extended period of time. About 50% of the children of divorced parents would go on to experience the divorce of their parents second marriage. Maybe you know that divorce can be stressful for children, but can you imagine how stressful two divorces are on a child? The main cause of this is that most adults who divorce do not fully understand that cause for their first marriage failing. This of course, will make them much more likely to repeat the same problems that may have unconsciously destroyed their marriage over and over again in their future relationships. Relationships are complicated, and often the story is much more sophisticated than the stories we tell ourselves. It may seem easy to blame a divorce on your partner because “he’s just a jerk” or “she doesn’t know what she wants.” However, a relationship takes two people. We often aren’t willing to look deeper at how we may be unconsciously contributing to the problems in our relationships, which dooms us to repeat the same problems in the future. Another shocking statistic from a Harvard University Press study by Andrew J. Cherlin in 1982 called “Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage” found is that children who endure more than one divorce receive significantly lower grades in school and other children in their age group describe them as being unpleasant to be around. We all know how important good grades are to getting into a good school or getting a good job, and the subtle advantages of a charismatic and positive personality are well-known by most people these days. Living in a divorce-riddled home can significantly stunt a child’s chances of achieving the most he or she possibly can out of life. But here is one more surprising statistic from the Institute for American Values study. They found that 80% of all couples on the verge of divorce, who decided to work things out rather than divorce, were happily married and enjoying life within five years. As you can see, divorce may be a permanent solution for a temporary problem. When you add to this the damaging effects it can have on your children, it really makes you questions whether or not you should really divorce. Now, I’m not going to say that divorce should be avoided at all costs. Indeed, there is a time and place for it. But before you do, it is probably best to try to work things out and to get a firm understanding of what is causing the problems in your relationship rather than just blaming your spouse for everything as you walk out the door.