The Four Urgent Breakup Warning Signs

There’s nothing wrong with preventative medicine…. especially when it comes to relationships. Sometimes, all it takes to save yourself from the pain of a difficult breakup is a little bit of knowledge and preparation.

Interestingly enough, the warning signs of an impending breakup will be there long before your partner actively attempts to end the relationship. If you know which signs to look for, you can give yourself plenty of time to address (and neutralize) your relationship troubles before they spiral out of control.

While there are many smaller signposts which can alert you to developing problems, we’re going to focus on the four big ones that indicate that a breakup is likely to happen sometime in the next few months.

Warning Sign # 1: Distancing Behavior

You should be wary of your partner distancing themselves from you either physically or emotionally. “Physical distancing” is when you suddenly find yourself spending less and less time with them. Keep in mind that sometimes a change in their lifestyle might be to blame (such as a new work schedule) which doesn’t automatically signal that they are trying to get away from you.

The more accurate indicator of the two is “emotional distancing.” Many times, you will intuitively know when this is happening because your gut will seldom lie to you. When emotional distancing occurs, you will begin to notice subtle changes in your partner’s behavior. For instance, one thing you might notice is that they’ve become more withdrawn and aloof. Also, the daily conversations you have may become boring and mundane and the affection they show you may start to decrease. Over time, you will notice them becoming cold and unresponsive as your connection starts to slip away.

If your partner happened to act in a very needy way in the past, but now, no longer seems to need your attention/support/advice as much as they used to, this could be a sign that they are becoming more secure in themselves. However, it usually indicates that they are becoming bored with you and may even have someone new in mind. This is almost always the case when you hear the words, “I need my space,” or “I need some time to myself.”

The best way to uncover the truth is to contrast their current behavior with their past behavior and go with your gut instinct. Again, your gut won’t lie to you if you allow yourself to really listen. Did they used to love to cuddle up next to you but now they’d rather read a book before going to bed? Have they started answering your phone calls in a different manner or with a different tone of voice?

We are all familiar with “that look” that unmistakably signals a partner’s desire. Do you still get those looks or has it been a long time since they lit up around you?

Here’s a quick example from my past to help illustrate these points. After one of my old girlfriends moved away to a different state and we transitioned into a long-distance relationship, the first thing I noticed was that the frequency of our phone calls began to slow down - we went from talking every night to talking every other night.

Next, our conversations started to get rather dull and it seemed like we were running out of things to talk about. Plus, instead of sounding happy to hear from me like she used to, she mostly sounded bored and/or neutral. The excitement and happiness she used to feel was slowly disappearing and this was all too easy for me to realize (but difficult to accept) once I started paying attention and noticing the small changes that were taking place.

Warning Sign #2: Your partner starts spending time with a new group of friends

This sign, which is another form of physical distancing, doesn’t automatically signal a catastrophe, but can sometimes indicate that you have a real problem on your hands. For instance, let’s assume you’re not a big party girl and would much rather sit home and watch a movie then go out drinking or clubbing. Your boyfriend, however, has been hanging with a new group of friends who have started dragging him out to the clubs until the wee hours of the morning. If he comes home drunk and stumbling once or twice, it usually isn’t a big deal, but when it becomes a recurring theme, you relationship could end up paying the price.

Now, if his new group of friends are all very attached to their girlfriends/wives, don’t go near drugs or alcohol and attend church seven days a week, you probably won’t have much to worry about. But if they’re living a playboy lifestyle, abusing addictive substances and sleeping around with multiple partners, you can be sure that they will be subtly (or not so subtly) influencing your partner to possibly do the same.

If he decides to embrace this new lifestyle, it can create some major relationship problems if you’re not a party girl, yourself. So be prepared to address these behaviors quickly before they escalate out of control.

Warning Sign #3: The frequency of fights/arguments increases or decreases

If your partner used to flip out over the littlest things, but now hardly ever seems to lose his cool around you, you might have something to worry about. Unless he’s been attending anger management classes, there’s a good chance that he is losing much of his emotional investment in the relationship.

Also, if he suddenly starts picking fights for no reason and doing his best to escalate them, there’s a good chance he is trying to turn you into the bad guy so he has justification for a future behavior (either cheating on you or walking out the door for good). This becomes even more obvious if he starts personally attacking you or pointing out your flaws when confronted about his change in demeanor.

Warning Sign #4: The frequency of sex drops off dramatically

This is a major red flag. If the frequency of sex has decreased dramatically or tapered off completely, there is usually something very wrong in the relationship. If your partner hasn’t started sleeping with someone else already, he will, at the very least, be more likely to jump on the chance if the opportunity comes his way.

If he has been completely unreceptive to your sexual advances, then chances are he is either debating whether or not to pursue someone new or already has another woman on the side. Withholding sex is another example of emotional distancing behavior and an even bigger indicator that something has damaged your emotional connection.
Congratulations. You’ve just taken a big step towards keeping your relationships healthy. In a future article, I’ll be giving you some tips on how you can address each of these warning signs when they arise. Until then, be on the lookout for these signs, not only in your own relationships, but in the relationship of your friends, as well. The more you pay attention, the better you’ll be at catching them early on. Good luck.