Things I know for Sure

When I came into the world, I knew nothing, well, nothing that I could remember, that is. As you grow up, you learn many things, some you learn the hard way and others come in brief moments of blissful enlightenment. I like the later best. The older you get, the more you realize how little you know. When my kids make grandiose statements about life, I hold my little therapist mouth shut and think to myself, yeah, right, just wait.

For instance, I have never met anyone who is really bad. I know many people who are not yet enlightened, and others who are terrified to grow, but even the scariest of characters, who traipse into my office with a boatload of anger in tow, have tender hearts, wounded by terrible abuse. The people who hurt themselves and others the most, have always been terribly hurt by someone else. I also know that when I can see the love inside a person, they begin to see it for themselves.

I know that no matter how we’d like to avoid it, the ultimate responsibility for our reality and quality of life is ours. No excuses. Every choice has a consequence and every consequence either enhances or diminishes our life. It’s not a New Age colloquialism, it’s an in-your-face fact. Every good and bad thing in my life as an adult, I created. I own it, I can fix it, and I get to benefit from the lesson in it.

I know purity matters. The less you add to a Brightman or Bocelli voice, the more the beauty of it swells inside you. The less you add to a searing truth, the longer it vibrates through you. The less you speak and can sit in the silence, the more love you can feel from each other. The less you speak of how much you give, the more your character and soul evolve. Too much of anything, is still too much.

I know lies and distance kill relationships of every kind. I know cheating is never about the cheated upon. I know the misuse of power turns back on itself and destroys the abuser with untenable shame once he or she awakens. I know living deeply in the center of growth is the only meaningful way for one who is awake to thrive. I know that as Jack Kornfield says, after the ecstasy there will always be laundry.

I know that transformation does not mean you can’t have unbridled lovemaking, peppermint ice cream, and laughter that brings you to tears. I know that we bump back and forth from being Buddha to butt-head with each changing thought and that too is spiritual. I know that we needn’t fear death, because there is none. I know that we needn’t fear life because our mistakes mean we are engaged and there are always second chances.

I know mean jokes, made up at another’s expense are still mean jokes, even when people laugh. I know crude and vulgar are still crude and vulgar, no matter how you dress them up. I know that the strawberry I eat, comes to me from a calloused hands and the rights I have were born out of another’s courageous heart. I know not to take anything for granted, not even my next breath.

I know that having a meeting with the pain, fear and evil inside, always makes them smaller and offers them a new, more comfortable role for both of us. I know as Pema Chodron says, “This body I am sitting in, right here, right now with all its aches and pains and pleasures, is exactly what I need to be fully human, fully awake and fully alive.“

I know that when you can no longer help people heal, you plant in soil. When you can no longer hike tall mountains, you offer your hand to a child. I know that when you no longer read, you listen. When you can no longer hear, you feel. I know that when you can no longer do the things of your youth, you love, deeply, like crazy and that is the most important job you will ever have. I know integrity is all I take with me and I know love is all that matters, ever.

Dr Dina Evan, 2009