Seven Steps to Successful Negotiation

n****Philosophy of successful negotiation: In negotiatingnassertively, each person should feel that she/he wins.
Each person should get some of what he/she wants.
** Step One:
IDENTIFY the problem

Each person states what seems to be the problem usingn"I" statements. Sometimes the negotiation gets bogged ndown here as the people involved may disagree about nwhat the real problem is.

Example:
Person #1 "I would like to discuss how we share the nhousehold tasks."
Person #2 "I think the real problem is how we decide nwho cleans the kitchen."

Some discussion will be needed before these two ngo on with the negotiation so that the subject is nclear to both. The common saying is that they each nneed to be "on the same page."nn**Step TwonLISTEN assertively

Each person states an opinion. The other personnreflects or restates the opinion as they heard it. Thennyou take turns and the second person states an nopinion.

Example: (Assume the kitchen cleaning is the issue)
Person #1 "I am tired at the end of a hard day at worknand the last thing I want to do is clean the kitchen.
My preference is to leave the dirty dishes until the nextnmo
ing."
Person #2 "So you are saying that you are tired andnwould like to leave the dishes in the sink until tomorrownmo
ing."

Hint: Just because you reflect the other person's opinion,nyou are not agreeing with it. In this part of negotiation,nyou are simply being a mirror....
** Step ThreenBRAINSTORM ideas for the solutio

In brainstorming, each person is just throwing ideas ontonthe table. During a brainstorming time, it is important to nunderstand that this is not a time for discussion or judgment.
This is simply an idea-gathering time.

Hint: State as a rule before the negotiation that all ideasnwill be respected whether you agree with them or not.

In our example, Person #1 and #2 will sit down together andnsuggest ideas to each other. Sometimes it helps to writenthe ideas down on a legal pad or an erasable board.

1. Person #1 might say, "Maybe we could throw a dishtowel over the dirty dishes so we wouldn't have to look at them."

2. Person #2 might say, "If we agreed to, then we could eachnput the glass we drink from or the plate we ate lunch on in nthe dishwasher when we are through."

3. Person #1 (inspired by #2) "Well, maybe if we open the ndishwasher to take a clean dish out of it, we could nthen be responsible for emptying the whole dishwasher."

Etc., etc., etc.
**Step Fou
PICK a SOLUTION

When you run out of ideas, then it's time to consider all nof them and decide together what might work best.

Make assertive statements about each idea until onenappears to be the best one.

Example:
Person #1 "I like the idea of emptying the dishwashe
when we take something out of it. I don't think that nwould take too long and it would be one step towardncleaning the kitchen."

Person #2 "I sometimes take my glass out of the nkitchen. I would have a hard time remembering tontake my dirty dishes back to the kitchen. I don't thinknthat idea will work well."nn** Step Five
Make a CONTRACT

A contract means that you are stating clearly what thenagreement is. A contract needs to be specific and ndefined in behavioral terms.

Example: (after more discussion back and forth)

Person #1: "So we are agreeing that if we take a glassnor anything out of the dishwasher when it is full of cleanndishes, then we are obligated to empty the whole dishwasher."

Person #2: "Yes, and emptying the whole dishwasher nincludes putting away the silverware and any pots andnpans in the dishwasher. Right?"nn** Step SixnTRY OUT the solutio

The try out time should be limited.

Person #1: "OK, let's experiment for two weeks. Then let'snget together again and talk about how it worked."nn** Step Seve

Examine and LOOK FOR PROBLEMS in the CONTRACT

Both parties need to give their view on the way the contractnworked. What was good about the contract and what needsnchanging? Redo the process from the beginning, if necessary.

Person #2: "I seemed to have a hard time emptying the ndishwasher. Part of that was because I grabbed a clean nglass for water as I ran out of the door for work.

I just didn't have time to get the rest of the dishes.
When I came home, planning to empty it at the end nof the day, you had already done it and were mad.
Maybe we need to rethink the mechanics of how this nwill work."

In the seven steps to successful negotiation, nthe most important steps are the first one and the last one.

Identifying the problem clearly is quite a challenge and ndeserves respectful thought and definition.

Looking for problems in the contract, even if it means ngoing back to step one adds to the win/win feeling. If thencontract isn't working, each party has an opportunity to ntry again to get closer to what he/she wants.

COMPROMISE is what it is all about. These seven stepsnshould help you negotiate your way to a win/win compromise.n n