Trust and Love: A Dream Journey through Fear

Six years ago, just before my birthday, I dreamed of being in an enclosed trailer with three huge elephants. The trailer had room for the elephants to stand and sleep as well as a small living area for humans. Between the elephants and myself, however, were only a few thin wires. As I stood in front of the elephants, one lowered her face and looked me directly in the eyes. Her deep, brown-eyed gaze was very gentle and perceptive. Still, even though she was being so calm, I began to feel fearful. On waking, I remember thinking this was because she was so very big and I was so very small.

At the time, I had been doing a lot of work with my dreams--writing them in my journal, playing with connections, jotting down associations and meanings and ideas. One of the first things I noted upon recording this dream was that elephants hold a totemic quality of wisdom as well as remembering deep, profound truths. For me, this corresponded with the look in the female elephant's eyes.

I also was in the habit of talking about my dreams--especially animal dreams--with my dog Barney. We had jou
eyed together through many dreams and Barney had revealed himself to be a creative dream guide, often offering insights and accessing clues in ways I never would have imagined.

After briefly discussing elephants in general and the "medicine" the dream elephant might hold, Barney asked me what the real fear in the dream was all about.

"I'm not sure," I said. "Maybe a fear of something 'out there' hurting me."

"And where does that come from?" he asked. "Can you feel it in your body?"

"Well, right now I feel it in my heart. It feels like betrayal."

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "That is a clue for you. We could do another past life type scenario if you wish."

At the time, Barney was encouraging me to explore past life scenarios. Although he felt they were more like intuitive dream stories and not necessarily past lives, he also knew the process was a bit outside my comfort zone--thus, a wonderful way to explore the inner world without my logical mind constantly interrupting to have control.

"I'm feeling nauseous right now," I delayed. "Is there another way to do this or do you really feel the past life way is best?"
"Well, it is the more interesting way. Let's try that. If you are willing."

As I reluctantly agreed, Barney instructed me: "Begin by remembering a time when you lived among elephants or perhaps when you saw or met elephants."

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I knew the drill: best to not think, but simply let my mind wander and report back with whatever I saw.

"What I'm first seeing is an elephant's death: an elephant lying near a watering hole on its side. It is very sick and maybe dead already. I am young and I feel sadness. I am with a group of people. We did not kill the elephant directly, but somehow we are responsible for the watering hole turning bad. It is as if we cheated the elephants, because we didn't think out properly what we did. We turned the water bad. And now no one can drink there. We can't even eat these animals or we will get sick.

"I feel a sickness about it, but also don't feel I can say or do anything. I am too little, too small. It is wrong what we did, but everyone is pretending we didn't do it or it wasn't our fault. I feel very sad for the elephants and for us, for our tribe. We have a soul sickness."

"Let's shift that," suggested Barney. "What if you become powerful--someone with a strong voice in the tribe? What can you say?"

"I tell the people that we have done wrong. That it is our fault and we must make amends to the elephants. They might not forgive us, but at least we should take responsibility and tell them we are sorry, and somehow try to help them. The people see this is right. They begin to have the idea that this might make us feel better and also help us be with the elephants and all the other animals again. There are some who don't want to do this. Their energy is closed in and a sickly color green, like poison. It is the heart turned bad. I appeal to the older members of the tribe and many of the women agree with me. I keep telling them how important this is, to walk out of our denial and to make amends. Many want to do this.

"But I am challenged to a fight from the man who holds the most sickness in his heart. We use spears and he kills me. I feel betrayed, like I betrayed the animals and didn't have a chance to fix it. And I feel betrayed by my people."

"What do you do now?" Barney asked.

I take another few deep breaths and let the story unfold. "In spirit, I go to the dead elephant and apologize for my actions and the actions of my tribe. The elephant stands up, in spirit. I see now that she is a great teacher. She says she has come to help us, to help some of us 're-evolve' through our depression, our sleeping sickness of the soul. I feel such a love for this elephant! She reminds me of a time when I was a young boy and was with her--Oh! That is another life! She reminds me of how much we loved each other then. And now I crawl on her back, just as I used to, and she begins to fly. In spirit, we fly up into a golden sky. We have a great deal of love and I know this soul from many, many lives! I know her very deeply.

"She is here now and fills me with a golden light. She says, "We love you. We are here. You are always home with us. See past these dreams, these plays. Let us work with you. We can change this world as easily as you have changed the dream in your mind. Have trust and love. We say this to you over and again, in many ways, because it is the truth. Follow the lead of your heart. We will shine with you and through you. We love you."

"How does the fear feel now?" asked Barney.

"Like it has shifted," I said, laughing and crying at the same time. "There is an opening inside of me. I really feel such love. You know--it's very real right now. I even think I could stand with elephants right now in the wild and not be fearful."

"Continue with this type of work and you will clear other fears as well," advised my wise little canine dream guide. "When an animal comes to you, you have asked it to come. Use the opportunity. It may not happen again for a long while."

And then Barney and I were quiet for a time. As we lay on the floor next to each other, I enjoyed the flow of our breathing and the unfolding of our dream journey together.

"All is for a reason," Barney said after awhile. "You know that. Trust what comes to you and what appears, even--especially--if you do not like it. There is a reason for all that happens. Like the elephant teacher showed you, the surface drama is a charade designed to open the heart of the tribe. Know that the tribe called the elephant out of love and the elephant agreed to play this role out of love. Trust and love: these are key words for the inner evolution of us all."