Two small steps towards speaking confidence

If you are one of those people who feels uncomfortable about speaking up in group settings, take heart. It is possible to learn to be a relaxed contributor. One of my early clients said, “Oh, I know what you’re going to say – just take a deep breath and force yourself.” Well, no, actually. That’s a little like telling someone the best way to learn to swim is to jump off the dock and hope some life-saving instincts kick in. If you are an introvert (as I am), you have probably been blessed (or cursed) with an overly reactive nervous system. You may have learned, at an early age, to associate speaking up with fear – fear of confrontation, criticism, ridicule, or just simple blushing. Unfortunately, we introverts learn those associations well: actually, too well. There’s no longer a threat but the fear lingers, and lingers, and lingers, until it becomes a huge factor in not only silencing us, but in muddying our thinking. You can’t think clearly when you’re overcome by fear. My phrase, “Stress Makes You Stupid,” sums this all up. So we may become anxious, confused onlookers in our lives instead of valued creative contributors. If this sounds like you, here are two things you can do immediately to start changing that. Get it straight! Pay attention to your posture. Erect, proud posture looks and feels confident. Research shows that in adults, a straight spine increases confidence, while “a slumped posture leads to more helpless behaviors,” writes Emma Seppala from the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) at Stanford. Hunching or slouching can make you feel more stressed and more likely to give up in the face of challenge. You don’t have to throw your shoulders back and assume the rigid posture we associate with the military. Instead, while sitting or standing, imagine a string coming from the front of your chest (just above the ste um) and pulling gently upwards. At the same time, tuck your chin in just a bit and make sure your ears are directly over your shoulders. You should feel relaxed and liberated, able to breathe more deeply and easily. No huge risk-taking here, either: you can practice this skill by yourself, until it becomes automatic. Slow down Recently I went to a business meeting where attendees introduced themselves and their business. Almost without exception, they spoke too rapidly for anyone except the person sitting next to them to really understand what they were saying. Nervous people are particularly apt to do this, as if they want to get the whole business of speaking publicly out of the way – fast. You may know your name and the name of your business, but how is someone else supposed to decipher, “I’mJoanneBlowofDiversityEnterprisesandwehelppeople …mumble, mumble, mumble.” If you saw the movie, The King’s Speech, you saw how King George VI, a lifelong stutterer, overcame his problem to give a moving speech to his people on the start of WWII. Using solemn music as a backdrop, he produced each word slowly and distinctly, giving what he was saying great importance. You may not have powerful background music, but learn from this example. To speak with authority, just spend a few minutes every day reading a paragraph or so aloud from the newspaper, a magazine, or a book. Notice your tendency to speed up. Slowing down accomplishes two things: it makes what you’re saying seem more important, and it makes what you say memorable. Isn’t that what you want for yourself? And you don’t have to be bold or dramatic to do it; just follow the above simple guidelines. When you have mastered these two steps, you are well on your way to speaking comfortably in front of larger groups of people. Who knows where you will end up? Just start today.