***UNDERSTANDING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

During an extensive marriage seminar; the speaker emphasized on the fact that intimacy is the bedrock of romance in any marriage. He did his best to convince everyone in attendance to nurture intimacy in their homes.

As Jude and his wife sat listening with rapt attention to the speaker, they thought on the state of their marriage and oblivious of each other’s conclusion, their views were contrasting.

According to Jude, he thought he and his wife were having the best of time, enjoying the best of their marriage while his wife felt she had been suffering in silence because Jude was not loving and caring enough.

Jude defined intimacy as meeting each other’s material needs. “I just bought an expensive wristwatch for her”, “I pay the children’s school fees regularly”, “I don’t go to club like other guys”, What else does she want?” he had taught.

Mr and Mrs Robson were also buried in their thoughts, still with varying opinions. Mrs. Robson’s assessment of herself was on the high side as she concluded that she gave her husband the best in terms of good food, neat house, wonderful children and above all, regular sex. What else can any man desire? She thought to herself. As Mr. Robson sat, thinking deeply about everything, the rating of his wife was really low. He definitely was not enjoying his marriage. His wife devoted most of her time to the children with little or nothing left for him. Sex had become a routine and a struggle; making matters worse. To him, intimacy is at zero level in their marriage.

These stories show the level of ignorance people have about marital intimacy.

Intimacy encompasses much more than what we do for each other in the home. It involves bonding, a joining of lives, as two hearts beat as one.

The general misconception of the word intimacy especially by men is the bedroom. Intimacy is not just about sex. It is about entering each other’s world; flowing together, ‘worshiping’ in each other’s temple, running the race of life together, fighting the fight together, melting into each other and making one plus one to be one (1+1=1).

Marriage loses value when couples involved are not intimate. Good marriage involves entering into the secret places of your spouse. You become vulnerable to each other, letting go of all guards. It is a lifelong reading of each other, chapter by chapter, page by page, line by line and sentence by sentence.

It entails seeking to understand every edition (they will be many) of the person we married and enter into the sanctuary of the person we give our love to.

It is what a writer called “INTIMACY= IN-TO-ME-SEE”. The question is, are you intimate? If you are, what is the level of your intimacy? How much does your spouse know about you? Is he or she seeing into you or are you total strangers sleeping together in the same room on the same bed?