Unhealty and an Immature Marriage

Marriage, or any true relationship for that matter, is much more complicated than we first figured when we first married. Most couples get married without knowing anything about marriage except the example that their parents set. And, truth to tell, our parents never sat us down and explained the subtleties of a successful marriage--mostly because, successful or not, they didn’t know why. So we get married thinking, “I love her. She loves me. That is enough.” Love is great. But it doesn’t guarantee a good marriage. In fact, if you think about it, you argue and fight the most with people whom you say you love the most. You see, we grew up sorta spoiled. We learned real quick that we were the center of other people’s lives. Our cries as babies cause adults to come scampering to us, we get presents at Christmas no matter how good or bad we were that last year. We are clothed, sheltered, fed, and to some degree pampered. As teenagers we learned that our parents were like ATM machines…and we didn’t even have to pay a transaction fee! The truth is, almost all of us grew up without having to think of the needs of our parents. Our parents were self sufficient. We didn’t have to take time out of our lives to pander to their needs. Indeed, they pandered to our needs. And we got used to that. Then we marry. We marry, not mom or dad, but someone who is as equally spoiled and self-centered as we are. This is a recipe for disaster. As a result, we end up with immature attitudes within our marriage. Failure is a state of mind, marriages will fail if you expect them to fail because you are constantly looking out for all kinds of common marriage problems and that initial indication that the marriage is about to go wrong. Very few people can boast that they have a perfect marriage and most that do have purely overlooked a myriad of common marriage problems because they have learned the art of resolving marriage problems before they become an issue. Most couples who believe they have a perfect marriage have just learned how to meet each others needs, resolve common marriage problems quickly and effectively and are prepared to make an effort when it comes to marriage. If you enter into marriage believing that the union is until death do you part you have a far greater chance of success. Those couples with a positive attitude towards marriage are far more likely to be able to resolve common marriage problems without such problems infringing on their quality of life and their marriage. Take for example incompatibility. This is a common favourite in the divorce courts which is quite ironic given the saying ‘opposites attract’. It makes you think about what kind of common marriage problems would lead to incompatibility. I’ve heard some couples say it’s because one of them is too messy or leaves their dirty washing on the floor.