Use Honesty to Help Solve Marriage Problems

Marriage problems are as old as marriage itself. How we deal with problems has changed over the centuries, though. Once we were stuck in a marriage no matter what and people stayed for a lifetime, through abuse and unhappiness. Now, it seems, the pendulum has swung the other way and we are often surprised by the problems we encounter and then tend to give up too quickly. rnI have been fortunate enough to have been through two failed marriages, and even more fortunate to have learned enough to now be a partner in a wonderful one. I sincerely hope that I can share some insights that will help others through what can be a very painful time dealing with marriage problems. rnHonestyrnIn relationships I believe that honesty is a very important ingredient. That means being honest with yourself first, and then being honest with your partner. Once you are experiencing marriage problems you must first ask yourself if you want to find a solution or not – honestly. Then you need to think about how much are you prepared to do, how far will you go, to work things out with your partner. Finally, ask yourself why you want to work things out. Sometimes when we honestly examine our motives we find out things we didn’t know about ourselves…be prepared to act on your honesty and not to bury it because it’s not what we want it to be – or because it’s easier that way. rnIn order to solve almost any marriage problem you need to put your own ego aside. It becomes less about the individual and more about the “marriage” itself. Give up judging, accusing, and pre-conceived notions about what the other person “really means”. rnIt takes two people to solve a problem in any marriage or relationship so have your partner do the same exercise in honesty and then decide together if you both want to put the effort into improving or solving your dilemma. It is not an easy task at the best of times to get past the emotional to the rational and actually come up with real solutions. rnAsk for HelprnSometimes it seems that your marriage problem is just too hard. Discussions become fights, ugly things are said and communicating with your partner seems impossible. Ask for Help. If you can seek help from a third party you will often find that they ask the right questions to open the lines of communication and you may begin to see things in a more objective manner – in other words you will have a better understanding of where your partner is coming from, and maybe even where you are as well. rnThere are many sources of help with marriage and relationship problems. If you have religious affiliations you can seek help there. Speak to your family doctor and ask for a referral to a counsellor. Many therapists are listed online and you can sometimes get an idea of what types of problems they specialize in. Try not to bring friends and family into the mix unless you have to as they are probably not going to be objective…wherever you go for help be prepared to give it all you’ve got in terms of effort, and if you don’t find help the first time, look for someone else! rnFinally, read, study, and keep searching. Once you find the key to solving your problems you will be able to use that key forever, in all your relationships.