Warning signs of child abuse. How to protect your loved one!

Child abuse can be tough to identify, primarily because of the numerous layers of secrecy employed by many of those involved, from the child to the perpetrator and even the victim’s family. This happens because of different factors, for example, the child may feel guilty and afraid to come forward and report the abuse, especially if the attacker is a trusted or respected authority figure like a school teacher, uncle, aunt or parent. Other factors include: the perpetrator may be the victim’s cousin or friend or the parents may not want to report the incident even if it comes to light for fear or societal and familial scorn and denigration.rnUnderstanding the insidious nature of child abuse, adults at home and in the neighborhood must, therefore, be especially vigilant toward any strange or unusual behavior exhibited by children, strangers loitering near places where children gather like playgrounds and schoolyards, and indications of frequent and violent domestic disputes. Adults must also take on the responsibility of educating themselves on the different forms of child abuse, their symptoms, and understand how to protect children from it. Here are the different types and signs of child abuse: • Physical abuse: Children suffer physical abuse most often at the hands of their parents, teachers, and caregivers. Physical abuse can take the form of shaking, shoving, slapping, hitting and beating with a belt or some other object. More extreme forms of physical abuse include burning the child with cigarettes or matches, scalding the child with hot water, breaking the child’s bones, pulling the child’s hair out and not permitting the child to eat, drink, sleep or use the bathroom.rnSome of the signs associated with physical abuse in children are:rno Visible, frequent surface injuriesrno Imprints of instruments like a belt or a stickrno Bandages and other forms of wrappingrno Unusual bruising, especially on places that wouldn’t normally become bruisedrno Wounds that are at different stages of healingrno Injuries that appear after absences (for example, from school) or after the weekendrno Fractures in strange places like the facerno Overall poor physical healthrno The child’s explanation of the injuries is not believable, or the child won’t explain the injuries at allrno Aggressive or withdrawn behaviorrno Edgy, fearful behaviorrno The child is overly eager to please adultsrno The child is wary and unnaturally uncomfortable around adultsrno The child is afraid to go home or expresses fear of his/her parentsrno The child is afraid to get into trouble • Sexual abuse: Children can suffer sexual abuse from anyone ranging from the parents to extended family members like aunts, uncles, and cousins, friends of the family who frequent the house, older friends of the victim, teachers, coaches, and even complete strangers. Some forms of sexual abuse include fondling the child’s genitals, having intercourse or oral sex with the child, having sex in front of the child, making the child touch an older person’s genitals, using the child in pornography and showing the child X-rated books or videos.rnSome of the signs associated with child sexual abuse are:rno Pain, bleeding, itching or bruising in the child’s genital or anal arearno Blood on the child’s underwearrno Repeated bladder infectionsrno Discovery of an STD (sexually transmitted disease)rno Pre-teenage pregnancy in girlsrno Complaints of headaches and sicknessrno Sudden, noticeable change in the child’s behaviorrno The child regresses in behavior, becoming even more child-likerno Displays signs of depression or suicidal tendenciesrno The child runs away from homerno Changes the relationship toward adults by either becoming clingier or avoidantrno Drop in academic achievement, and involvement in school activitiesrno Talks about a friend who is unusually older than the childrno Shows sexually provocative or promiscuous behaviorrno Tries exceptionally hard to avoid physical contact or undressing at school • Neglect: Caretakers either at home or school can neglect a child, potentially causing him/her terrible, long-term harm. Some forms of neglect include not providing adequate food, water, clothing, shelter and safety to the child, leaving the child unattended before he/she is old enough, abandoning the child in an unsafe place, not seeking medical aid for the child if needed, and not permitting the child to attend school.rnSome signs of neglect are:rno The child is unnaturally thin or underweightrno Ongoing health concerns that are unattended like coughs or infectionsrno Poor hygiene, body odor and an unkempt, disheveled appearancerno Lacks suitable clothes based on the seasonrno Lacks the supervision normal for his/her agerno Displays frequent hunger at schoolrno Cannot stay awake in class, or seems listlessrno Shows clinginess or signs of depressionrno Begs and steals food and other people’s propertyrno Doesn’t seem eager to go home – comes to school early and leaves laterno Says there is no one at home to take care of his/her needs • Emotional abuse: Children can suffer emotional abuse by their parents, siblings, teachers and other important figures in the child’s life. Some forms of emotional abuse include constant ridicule, frequent and consistent rejection, blaming the child when things go wrong, comparing the child unfavorably to his/her siblings, expecting too much from the child regarding academics, athletics or some other talent.rnSome signs of emotional abuse are:rno Slow or delayed emotional developmentrno Poor self-esteem and lacks self-confidencerno Becoming socially withdrawn, and awkwardrno Depressionrno Avoiding certain situations like taking the school busrno Desperately seeks affectionrno Poor performance in school and lacks interest in school activitiesrno Loss of previously acquired developmental skillsrnNow that you know the signs of child abuse, it’s important to know how to protect your loved ones, to make sure they never become a victim of one of these crimes. rnFollow these steps to protect your loved one from child abuse • It's important to know who is a part of your child’s life. Make yourself familiar with your child’s teachers, school principal, music teacher, sports coach, friends, parents of friends and anyone else with whom your child comes in regular contact. Get involved in the activities that involve your child by volunteering for events, and visiting recitals, practices, and school games. If you have a nanny, make it very clear who your child is allowed to be alone with in your absence. Make surprise visits to the nursery, and the school to check in on your child’s well-being. If a class is going on, peek in through the window to make sure your child is in a safe environment. • Now that you are familiar with the signs of child abuse keep an eye out for any symptoms or other factors that raise a red flag to you. If you suspect that your child or someone else’s child is the victim of abuse, it’s crucial not to investigate it independently, rather, report the matter to your state’s Child Protection Services agency immediately. • Make sure your children know that they can speak to you about anything that they experience. Teach them the difference between ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch.' As early as age three, make sure your children understand that parts of their body are private (those covered by a swimsuit) and should not be touched by just anyone. Help them understand that mummy and daddy or a primary caregiver can touch them when they are being cleaned. A doctor can touch them too, but only when mummy or daddy are in the room at the same time. • Make sure you use real names for body parts instead of making up funny, cute names because this will just confuse the child, and make him/her feel like there is something shameful or strange about their bodies. Feelings like this may inhibit your child from confiding in you. • Acknowledge to yourself and your partner that a large degree of child abuse, especially sexual abuse, is inflicted by a known, respected friend or family member. By bearing this in mind, you can be more vigilant and scrutinize more carefully who your child spends time with. • Most sexual abusers tell children not to tell their parents of the abuse, claiming it’s ‘their little secret’ or saying that mummy and daddy will be angry with the child if they find out. Therefore, it’s important to make sure your child understands that no adult should ask him/her to keep a secret. Neither should you ask your child to keep a secret either as it might confuse him/her as to why it’s okay for you, but not some other adult. • Make it a practice to believe what your child tells you. If you keep questioning the truth of what he/she says, it may make your child reluctant to tell you the truth if something has happened. Let your children know explicitly, and without doubt, that if someone touches them inappropriately, you will always believe what they say, and you will never be angry with them. • Be wary of your child being singled out as ‘special’ by a teacher or coach. Many predators groom children to go along with the abuse and not report it to their parents by making them feel special. • If a teacher or instructor has approached your child for one-on-one time for special instruction or individual coaching, don’t permit it. • Be careful who you introduce into your child’s life. If you are a single parent, avoid leaving your child alone with your ‘significant other’ until you are sure that you can trust him/her to treat your child with care and respect. • Be cautious about planning sleepovers. Only permit your child to go to a sleepover if you know the family he/she is staying with well and if you’ve visited their home numerous times. Make sure you know who will be supervising the sleepover, who will be at home during the night, and what they will be doing. • To be prepared, keep the number for Childhelp USA in your phonebook to get immediate guidance from experts on how to proceed. You can contact them using their 24-hour National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child/1-800-422-4453 or on https://www.childhelp.org/ In conclusion, through my years of experience, I’ve witnessed the scourge that is child abuse at close quarters. Please feel free to reach out to me directly if your child or someone you know has gone through a traumatic experience. I’d be more than happy to offer you advice and guidance in this regard.