We Broke Up - What Do I Do Now?

You're sitting there numb. You're probably still reeling from the experience. The only thought going through your mind is this: we broke up; where do I go from here?

Breakups are never fun. Even in mutual situations where the relationship has just fizzled on all sides breakups are devastating. When one party had no idea it was coming the experience can be gut wrenching to put it mildly.

The first thing you need to do is realize that there really isn't a bad guy here. It may seem difficult right now because you're hurting, you're angry, and you're not interested in being empathetic at all.

The thing is that if you put yourself in your partner's shoes you'll find that he or she is hurting too. Otherwise there would have been no need to end the relationship.

Here's the silver lining though. This is your chance to make things right for both of you. You can go from "we broke up" to "that break up was the best thing to ever happen to our relationship" if you're willing to do a lot of work and a little soul searching. Neither will be easy but the rewards can be amazing.

So, what should you do now to make things right?

1) Find out where things started going south. There's usually one point in the relationship where the other party began to withdraw. This is not (contrary to popular belief) usually the last battle but a fight or disagreement that happened some time ago. Find out where the pain began.

2) Fix the problem. Whatever it is and no matter how difficult it may be fix the problem so that it will never hurt your ex again. Yes you're going through your own share of pain now but if you can fix the problem then your pain will be greatly eased.

3) Make amends. Acknowledge what went wrong, apologize to your ex, and let your ex know what you've done to try to make things right. Give your ex a little time to digest this information and ask your ex to take a baby step in the right direction with you. Go out for coffee or dessert sometime and see if a new beginning can be born from the ashes of "we broke up."