What Causes Most Break Ups?

Break ups are so common, but that doesn't mean that they still don't hurt. Indeed, a break up can be one of the most emotionally painful things that a person will experience in their lives.

But why do people break up anyway? I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I believe that I might just be onto something.

What turns our relationship from something we cherished so much in the beginning, something we would jump out of bed in the morning oh so excited about, into something that may be filled with arguing, bickering, and break ups in the end?

What changed?

Well, it's my belief that the core dynamic of a relationship shifts when we start to think that we know everything about our partner or when we start labeling them. This is the death nail for the curiosity and discovery that brings two people together in passion and romance.

Where once you were eager to know everything about her or him, and know their every thought and opinion on things, suddenly you've labeled him as the "guy who only cares about football" or the "woman who can never remember to lock the door."

When this happens, we start to actually believe that this is all your partner really is. You start to see them as a cartoon of who they really are.

This leads to resentment. Suddenly, you find yourself thinking "If only he thought about something besides the next touchdown, I would finally have a meaningful relationship" or "If only I could find a woman who wasn't so forgetful, I wouldn't have to waste so much time cleaning up her messes."

You start to see this "cartoon" you're in a relationship with as holding you back. Then, you stop trying and that's when the fights start. Things go downhill and get worse and worse.

This causes you to distort your vision of your partner even more. Your generalizations about who they are become more extreme and the problems in your relationship get even worse until you break up.

So, to avoid this downward slope, you need to keep yourself from painting your partner with a broad brush. Remind yourself that they are a full human being, not a flat, two-dimensional cartoon. Take the time to connect with them as a person instead of flatly assuming that you know what they want or what they will do. Stay curious and enjoy rediscovering who your partner is.