what do I do?

Hey, Mark, I can identify with some of what you're going through - not the smoking (weed or anything else) - but the very strong emotions and how strange they are to someone who usually keeps inner thoughts to himself. It's a big thing to feel overwhelmed by the allure of someone that you think is beautiful and then find out that their beauty is far more than what's on the surface. Losing control of your emotions and the situation is understandable and you're not alone in this, at all. Now then, as for advice on how you can approach the situation... Nicole seems very thoughtful - in the sense that she thinks something through - when it comes to you and your emotions. However, who can really blame her? You seem to have set a precedent of hurting her; teasing her in earlier youth and then abandoning your emotional situation in favor of dating her friend. Sadly, that second one is probably the blow that she's going to hold over your head, and it's not without merit. Now you want her back, after realizing your fault and admitting said fault. However, relationships are more than just saying, "I'm sorry," and having everything turn out all right. It takes work and a great deal of patience, namely in yourself. And she really needs to see that you care enough about her to be patient and fix the situation slowly, with care. She seems to not enjoy the fact that you smoke weed, cigs and partake in underage drinking; you seem to be willing to give up those things for her. That's a good start. If you really care about someone, you are willing to sacrifice for them, especially when you've hurt them in the past and you want to make up for it. So, show her you care and sacrifice one of - or all of - these frivolous things you do, at least as a starting point. It may just show her that you are dedicated to bettering not only the situation with her, but yourself, too. If you can't, then perhaps Nicole isn't really the strong source of emotion you thought her to be. Either way, it's not a bad idea to better yourself in general, let alone for someone about whom you care. And, in closing, I'd also suggest not dating anymore of her friends.