What Does Commitment Mean?

Commitment in a marriage refers to how you think and how you behave. This requires you to remain committed, even when you do not necessarily feel like doing so. Commitment also refers to more than just sexual fidelity. Commitment also refers to how you spend your time.

Marriage requires you to devote time and energy to your partner. It is important to make your marriage a priority. However, the demands of life can sometimes make other things seem more pressing and important.

In today’s world, people have busy schedules. People work long hours. Their activities after work may also keep them running. Clubs, meetings, organizations, exercise, social engagements, family obligations and children’s activities may take up the majority of the spare time. Making time for your marriage requires a conscious effort.

Staying committed to your spouse requires that you are able to say no to other opportunities that may come your way. It may mean turning down an opportunity to coach little league, head the PTA meetings, or go out for a night with friends. It may mean passing up opportunities too. Refusing a promotion that would require longer work hours may not be the best option for your career but it might be the best thing for your marriage.

Some people really struggle to say no. They feel bad or guilty and end up doing things, whether they want to or not. They attend social engagements out of a sense of obligation or because they don’t want to make someone mad. Helping friends, participating in volunteer work, and caring for others are wonderfully nice gestures but they can be harmful to a marriage if they are not done in moderation.

Simply being home doesn’t count as spend quality time with your spouse. Sitting in the same room doesn’t necessarily count either. If each of you is working on a separate computer, it’s likely not doing much for your marriage. Commitment requires that you put down the computer, shut off the television, or set your phone to silent.

Ask yourself, what types of things do you place in front of your partner? Do you spend more time with your friends than your spouse? Do you spend more evenings staying busy with activities rather than spending quality time together? Keep in mind that true commitment means you’ll behave in a committed way, even when you don’t necessarily feel like doing so.

Commitment also refers to refraining from becoming involved with other people who may threaten your marriage. This might not even be a sexual relationship. Perhaps it is a same-sex friend that you have known for year who dislikes your wife. Spending time with him is not healthy for your marriage if he criticizes her or tries to convince you to participate in the same activities you used to do together when you were single. Commitment to your spouse may mean that you don’t spend any more time together.

Commitment requires you to address how you will respond if you find yourself attracted to someone else. Maybe you have a new co-worker who gives you a lot of extra attention. Or maybe an old flame has recently contacted you. Spending time daydreaming and thinking about “what if…” is not showing a commitment to your marriage. It is taking away time and energy you could be devoting to your marriage.

Your behaviors need to show commitment as well. Trying to be friends with someone that you are attracted to is not healthy for your marriage. Thinking that flirting is “harmless” as a means to justify your behavior shows a lack of commitment. Even online “friendships” can be problematic. Spending hours talking to someone online who “understands” is taking away from the marriage.

Spending time with someone you are attracted to is a slippery slope. Many people don’t mean to have affairs, they just develop slowly. And remember that affairs don’t have to be physical. Emotional affairs can be even more damaging to the marriage than a sexual one.

Staying focused on your marriage requires conscious effort to put your spouse first. It requires you to be willing to say no to other people and to behave in a committed way, even when you don’t feel like it. When you behave in a committed manner, it is likely to result in a healthier, happier relationship.