What Good Dad's Do Well

Father's Day is this weekend, a time that children acknowledge their dads and their relationship with their father. Many of us may consider our dad's as the financial providers of the household, the strong stoic one, the rule maker and perhaps even disciplinarian of the family. But research shows that dads have a broader, more meaningful influence in the lives of their children. Dads in fact offer a critical role in children's emotional and psychological fabric that are vital in the quality of relationships and bonds in children later in life. For example, research suggests that girls that have a higher degree of trust and good avenues of communication with their fathers tend to have significantly better relationships with their boyfriends, with features that include greater trust and better communication. Researchers have also found that adults who rate their dad's as being emotionally available when they were kids, good role models, and had good parenting qualities tended to have higher levels of self-esteem. Father's Day may be a good day for dads to remind themselves that they have influence in their children's lives. Here are a couple of things to consider about how to strengthen your relationship with your children. Hang Out Together It is important to set aside special time just for the two of you. Make this a priority and inform your child that they can even choose the activity. Whatever that activity is, it is best to get out of the house so that you are dedicating time and energy just for the relationship. Children will often report that it really doesn't matter what you do, it is that you are doing something together and focusing on the child and the relationship that matters. These efforts communicate to your child, "you matter to me" and can have longstanding positive effects on the quality of your relationship. A Bit of One-on-One Daily To imagine trying to squeeze in yet more time into an already full daily routine may seem like an impossible chore. However, this doesn't have to be a big deal and can be folded into your daily routine. For example, having dinner and/or breakfast together, where you may ask about the day can be helpful. The intention is about connecting and 'checking-in', hearing about the best/worst/funniest/most rewarding/most difficult part of their day. Again, it communicates "you matter to me and I want to know about you and your life". Notice Your Children and Support Them Once again, kids often don't really care what you do with them, but they do care that you notice, acknowledge and support them in their endeavours. Children need to feel that they are receiving affection from their parents, especially dad. This may come in the form of hugs and kisses, but it may also be as small as watching their TV show with them, playing their games, texting a 'hello' during the day, reading a bedtime story and/or tucking them in. Small gestures pay bigger dividends when done often than big gestures that are done infrequently. Motto-small things often. Model Health in Your Own Relationship Children learn about relationships through watching their parents and significant others. It is therefore important to be aware of what you do and how you respond to stress and relationship situation moreso than what you say. Actions speak louder than words here! So be cognizant of how you fight and argue, consider, are you open-minded or immediately judgemental and critical, are you a good listener, can you discuss feelings and respect differences? The way you communicate and interact with others has a major effect on how your children develop and how your relationship with your child unfolds.